


Simulator love

by Radiklement



Category: Gundam 00
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Ghost In The Machine, Self-Denial, lost in parallel world, this is not a gundam
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-10
Updated: 2017-11-06
Packaged: 2018-11-30 09:06:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 31,227
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11460432
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Radiklement/pseuds/Radiklement
Summary: Setsuna was supposed to go through a simple simulation program. Routine practice. Turns out he's stuck in a digital world with Feldt and their uncomfortable unspoken feelings. As the rest of their team can follow their tribulation through multiple screens, the teenagers must admit how they feel, while being confronted by a strange world. Tieria attempts to salvage them but is faced with his own problems, his latest body not answering so well to life. Back on Earth, Patrick and Katie prepares for an ordeal that will necessitate much more luck than their usual battles.





	1. Patrick, we have a problem!

Patrick was sleeping soundly as Katie Mannequin walked into the room. Her hair was a mess and her face was filled with anger. And the responsible was lying unconsciously content on their bed. She wanted to shoot at him, but as soon as her eyes landed on him, she couldn’t help her heart to soften a bit. She had no gun on her anyway... She was wearing civil clothes for once. She felt overwhelmed and small. Patrick looked so peaceful, all spread out in his sleep, gently snoring with that smile that never seemed to leave his face, it was hard not to crawl next to him and hide against his chest. But she had to be strong. She had to be serious, because he would never be, not even when it came to their own life.

“Patrick!”

He stirred at the sound of her voice, but barely turned on his side. It was late into the night and he had been out on drills for the whole day, as she had ordered him to. He opened one eye and smiled at her.

“Why are you doing still up, colonel?” he asked, his voice strained by sleep.

He had trouble calling her anything else than colonel, even though she was a brigadier-general now. She couldn’t help but feel mad at him for grinning goofily at her. And at the same time, it got to her heart, making her melt deep inside. But she stayed firm.

“Patrick, we have a problem!”

His smile widened and he fully opened his eyes, raising himself with one arm.

“I’m sure it’s nothing the incredibly lucky Colosaur can’t fi...,” he started.

She walked up to him, her eyes shooting lightning bolts and her face turning so cold the room seemed to lost some of its warmth. Patrick didn’t back away as she got on the bed and grabbed him by the collar of his green pajama’s shirt. He simply smiled, knowing that the storm would soon be over. At first, Katie thought she was going to punch him, but she was disarmed by his behaviour. How could he be so carefree? Didn’t he know the word worry?

“I... I need you to listen and to get serious, lieutenant!” she warned him.

He straightened slightly in front of her, sitting and gently grabbing her fore-arms. He felt her shiver under his touch, which was wrong. She wasn’t that sensitive usually. He blinked, realizing that she looked really shaken.

“I’m listening, colonel,” he said on a different tone.

She snapped.

“It’s Brigadier-General!” she reminded him, yelling a little higher than she intended to.

And all that responded to her anger and impatience was his smile. He wrapped his arms around her, having her sitting on his lap, till his hands were on the small of her back.

“Katie...”

His eyes turned so serious and were so filled with love; Katie felt her heart missing a beat. How could she get mad at him, when he could put up with her at all time? Was there really a good reason to worry right now? She hid herself in his arms for a few seconds, as she did only when she was sure no one else could see them. They were alone now, at home. But she felt like a stranger in her own body suddenly.

“I’m pregnant.” She whispered against his chest.

Patrick froze at first, his tired brain trying to clarify that pregnant was really the word she meant to say. His thoughts started running fast in his head. He pulled her away from him, so that he could look her in the eyes, his smile wider than ever.

“So we’re having a baby?” he asked, his voice rising up with excitation.

She frowned, gripping his shoulders with more strength.

“You mean I’m having a baby! And I don’t want it!”

“Wha..”

“I can’t be pregnant, the army still need me and...”

Before that she went on and on with a new speech, he shook his head, replacing her messy locks around her face. She was scared and as always when she was, she tried to retake control by talking loudly and giving orders. Her eyes were asking him for help, while she wanted him to understand that they couldn’t have a baby.

“There may be a small Patrick in your womb. Or even a little colonel, Katie. You can’t throw that away.”

There was nothing to make her feel ashamed of herself in his voice, nothing that suggested anger and he gently caressed her flat belly.

“We’re a family.” He told her with as little enthusiast as he could.

He knew getting frantic would only make her mad. But he had to make her understand that this was just something to rejoice over.

“Patrick, I...”

“There’s no need to be scared. Your Patrick Colossaur is here to take care of everything.”

That was precisely why she felt so worried.

“I’m not scared!” she protested, drumming her fists on his chest.

He let her have her way and when she was done pouncing on him, which barely hurt because she was only half into it, he pulled her down with him, holding her close.

“We’ll be okay, Katie. You’ll make a wonderful mom.” He cheered her.

She felt like crying when he said that. He could be so sweet and so understanding. Why was she still half mad at him? Oh right, because he was just so easygoing. She couldn’t mutter the words to explain this to him. She felt bad for thinking it. She felt wrong, she felt... too many things at the same time and it almost hurt. She held him tight.

“So you want that baby?”

“Of course. Why wouldn’t you want it too?”

“I...”

“Are you scared that I’m too stupid to make a good father?” he asked her.

There was no accusation, only self derision and she felt so hurt. He had to be hiding some self respect somewhere, a place in his heart where all those jokes he pulled on himself did hurt. But he had nailed it, which made him that much wiser than she expected him to be.

 “Don’t say that, Patrick. Don’t ever call yourself stupid.”

“Everyone believes it to be true, isn’t it? But I don’t care, as long as I have you, Katie.”

“I don’t believe that you’re stupid.” She insisted.

There were times like these where he felt so much more brilliant than she could ever be. Nothing had to matter. Life would go on. They just had to enjoy it.

“Then, are we having a baby, colonel?”

“It’s Brigadier-general, but we’re having it, I guess.”

“No guessing. You’re all fired up about it. At least, I am. Aren’t you looking forward to it? Having our own family...”

He talked dreamily, with the strong and pure voice that made him sound like a child most of the time. But she felt so secure in his arms right now.

“I don’t know if I can put up with two Patrick instead of just one.” She admitted.

He realized that this meant he would have to accept to receive even less attention from her and suddenly felt like backing down on his words. But then she thanked him for cheering her and calming her down.

“I love you,” she added, snuggling up against him. “We’ve been through worse before.”

He couldn’t help himself and smiled once again. Everything would be fine. He had all he’d ever wanted. And more was coming. He could live through anything and he would always protect his colonel from harm.

...

Setsuna was sitting in the cockpit of his mobile suit, slowly tensing his arms, getting ready for the beginning of his simulation. There hadn’t been much real mission ever since Ribbons and his terrible plan to get rid of humanity had been erased. The nations were slowly coming together as one. He had had no news of Marina, but she still had trouble understanding him from the last letter he received from her, and as long as people couldn’t understand each other, there would be conflict. He could perceive thoughts from the other member of the Ptomelaios and though he suddenly understood why Miss Sumaragi would still get drunk and why Mileina sighed every time Tieria interrupted any contact with them, he still had no clue about what he was supposed to do. He had been fighting for his whole life, hoping God would understand him at first, hoping the Gundam would give his life meaning, hoping that by fighting, the only thing he was good at, he could bring true peace to this world and prevent more kids from being twisted the way he had been twisted.

He was training to forget the thoughts following him, the voices asking questions without answer, the blind minds that wouldn’t get past their inner walls of incomprehension. He could see through lies now. He was a true innovator. And though he was happy to understand some things, there was some other that he’d rather kept unknown from him. The simulator was slowly deploying an environment for him to work into. A jungle was set in the depths of the night.  Haro’s voice told him that enemies were lurking in given coordinates. The map appeared on one of his screen. Setsuna focused on the task at hand, on the pixels suggesting green leaves covered with water drops and picturing the humidity in the air. The glint of his gundam eyes in the dark as it turned on. He almost felt a shiver running down his spine. Being one with the gundam was still the best way of shutting down the unknown voices.

Total comprehension was good, but he really hoped that he would be able to control it one day. Otherwise, he wouldn’t be able to face people too long with all the information they were unwillingly pouring into his brain.

“Setsuna F. Seiei in double O gundam, commencing operation.” He muttered for himself.

Having preset sentences to order his thoughts was comforting somehow. He liked the familiarity and the logic behind it. He knew no one was listening to him right now, but he didn’t care. With a motion of his hand, he set the 00 to fly and went up in the sky, readying his weapon.

Little did he know that the simulator was having a few troubles lately... Setsuna never asked for permission when it came to simulation flights. But Miss Sumaragi had been warned by Tieria and since Ian was on vacation with his wife, something he’d really earned after all the hard time they’d been through, it was Feldt who was sent on repair duty. As she was getting ready to start her reparation, she noticed that the simulator was currently used.

“Who could be...”

She typed a few letters on her keyboard and sighed as she understood. Of course, it would be Setsuna. The young man had been restless ever since the end of the battle against Ribbons. Even if every threat were supposedly solved, even if Ali Al Satchez was down for good and with him the ghost from his dreadful past, the young Cruxis’ man had still nowhere to go. The only safe place for him was with Celestial Being. He was still acting really closed off and seemed rough around the edges, but Feldt was beginning to understand him. He could smile whenever he saw something heartwarming. He had his own sense of humor, though he never joked. He was filled with good intentions, his eyes were honest and she guessed he would never lie. Then again, he barely ever spoke. From all the gundam Meisters, Setsuna was the most stubborn.

Feldt had been worrying over him a lot lately. Now that the fighting was getting less and less frequent, what would he do? Would he try to fuse himself with the gundam, or even worse? He was quite capable of anything that reckless, even if she had no idea how that would even be possible. She shook her head. Miss Sumaragi was starting to rub off on her and Mileina’s crazy animes were not helping. She had fallen asleep with strange noises in the background last night. She felt pretty tired already, but there was nothing to do about this right now.

“Setsuna, can you hear me?” she asked through the mic.

As she expected, there was no answer. At first, she had that terrible feeling she was talking to a lifeless cockpit, securely holding a space corpse. It was terrifying to be the one standing back, trying to communicate with everyone without knowing if they were still safe as time went by. She had trust in the gundam meisters, but it was still hard to face the pressure of seeing them running to their own deaths. It was supposed to be all over. She was starting to hope for a new life, though she had no idea if a girl as weird as her could fit in the normal world. As she reflected on that, she also wondered on a way to get Setsuna out of the simulator. She guessed the best way was to join the simulation. She sent a message to Sumaragi to warn her before to slip into her own simulated cockpit. It was a small space, basically a chair sitting in between three walls of hardware. The cockpit would be completed by closing on itself with the fourth wall in front, that showed the person everything that was part of the simulation.

The chair could be removed to force the soldier up so that he would have a real training, at running or ducking obstacle. His movements would be reduced in the capsule’s limited space, but his muscles would still work as hard. As a Celestial Being member, Feldt had had a weekly basis of 12 simulation hours for a few months. She hadn’t been in it for two years. She knew the basics for guns, and stuff, but she was a top operator, not a soldier. She felt a bit claustrophobic in there, so she hurried on with her preparations. She put on the gloves and boots and slowly lowered the virtual helmet on her face. After stating her name, she let the system swallow her down. Soon, she didn’t felt the plastic feel of the gloves on her hands. She was in a small street, in the middle of a city buzzing with activities. There was no sign of a gundam or of Setsuna.

“What’s going on? I wanted to be in the same simulation as him...” she muttered to herself.

The sky shone above her head with lights that reminded her of the gn drive system. Feldt felt the wind blowing in her hair and looked down to herself, to realize that she was wearing a student uniform. She frowned. Did the simulation involve some undercover mission?

...

Setsuna was in the middle of the sky, fighting against a gigantic Gundam drone when his 00 blew up without any warning. He didn’t even have the time to yell and didn’t feel any pain. One moment, he was fighting, coordinating his moves, than he found himself with his knees on the ground, breathing heavily from the sudden shock. He wasn’t in the jungle anymore. There was cement under his hands and the air felt cold on his neck. He realized his clothes had changed. He was wearing a pair of jeans and a white shirt with his usual red scarf. He quickly checked his surroundings and was surprised to notice Feldt on the sidewalk to his left.

 _What’s going on?_ Was all he could think at first, and then he noticed that there was no voices in Feldt’s head. _Is it really her?_

What would she be doing here?

“Setsuna! Where... How did you get here?” she asked as she walked up to him.

He got up, barely acknowledging her presence with a nod of his head.

“I have no idea. We’re both in simulation, right?”

“Yes. But the simulator needs to be repaired. You were out of reach, so I joined in to tell you to get disconnected.”

He immediately wondered how she could have such a crazy idea. If the simulator was running amok, it wasn’t the time to put even one more person in it.

“That was stupid.”

“I checked if I could get you out manually, but the option was locked. I couldn’t shut the system down with you inside.”

It was against the rules, since it could cause heavy brain damage to the exposed subject.

“End of simulation,” he whispered, looking cautiously around him. Nothing happened and he resigned himself. “I can’t disconnect myself. For some reason, this feels as if we’re on the real Earth.”

“Hey, mister F. Seiei! We’ve been expecting you!” a cheerful voice called from the other side of the street.

Both teens looked over their shoulder to see a tall man waving at them. Setsuna immediately thought that this was a trap, but Feldt was already walking toward the man. With all the doubts they had, having a guide could be useful. The gundam Meister reluctantly followed his shipmate. As he walked to the sidewalk, he glared at his surroundings, noticing the numerous adds on the buildings, the cars flying around the sky, the people walking by and the bicycles rolling in the streets. There was a huge school building on a side, a cinema was sitting between two large buildings and a supermarket was just around the corner. And though he was surrounded by people, there was no voice in his head, but he could feel the wind on his face and his hair. The ground under his feet felt real and since this had nothing to do with the simulation he had asked for, he was pretty on edge, expecting a trap to open in front of him at any time. His gundam had blown up, darn it, and he hadn’t even done a single mistake, he knew it! Why was he stuck in this stupid city?

“You’re Setsuna F. Seiei and miss Feldt, right?” the tall man asked them.

His face was pretty plain and he wore sunglasses that matched with his black suit of business man. He seemed kinda dubious, and Feldt took a step back as he said her name. His voice reminded her of someone, but she was shocked by the feeling she was getting from all this. Of course, the simulator knew their names. But why would it create all this?

“Who are you?” Setsuna asked, clearly pissed off.

“I’m the owner of your new apartment. You just arrived to start your college year in the Hallmark’s school. All your packages are already here and you just have to get installed and chill out.”

Feldt blinked once, before to look at Setsuna’s blank expression. His red eyes were slightly starting to glow, which was bad, but he held back his anger. This was all a programming error and things would soon turn back to normal. Tieria would fix the damn simulator and Sumuragi would get them out of it before that they even had to step in the building. As he took a deep breath in, he tried to reach for the disconnection system with his mind. But nothing reacted and he felt helpless, standing in a world that certainly didn’t exist, in front of the tall man that reminded him of someone else with his clear brown hair. When the business man removed his glasses, Setsuna recognized Lichti’s green eyes and Feldt’s gasp of surprise was enough to make him sure his mind wasn’t playing tricks on him.

 _It’s all an illusion, nothing but an illusion_ , he thought to himself.

Then Lichti smiled, scrapping his head. That was totally like their last pilot used to do.

“I guess you’re still adapting to the change of time and space. Earth’s gravity is hard to get accustomed to for space travellers. Come on in, I need you to sign a few forms and...”

Feldt hesitated and Setsuna talked for the second time to the stranger wearing Lichti’s older face.

“We’re not following you anywhere. We’ve got nothing to do here.” He said, his voice as serious as a death sentence.

The man didn’t lose his cool.

“There’s no need to get angry. Miss Feldt can sign it all in your stead.” He suggested, motioning toward the operator.

Setsuna had no idea what to answer. The simulation was getting out of hand, there was nothing about this that felt right and the last thing he’d want was for Feldt to get involved. He could tell she was staring at him, expecting him to react appropriately. But this was so unexpected; he couldn’t see the right way to get out of this situation. Being able to see Lichti, who had been a good companion and had died horribly in the depths of space... He still remembered the corpses, which reminded him of Lockon Stratus. The first Lockon. The emotions stirred old scars he had caused to himself and he wasn’t ready to face it all, he had no mobile suit to fight against to calm down the crisis growing within him. He wanted to yell, but it would scare Feldt and that was out of the question.

“We’ll follow you for now. We’re a bit disoriented,” the girl whispered, avoiding Setsuna’s look.

He was forced to follow them inside the silver building. The interior was highly defined, the walls a nice shade of green and the floors covered with dark tatamis. They used an elevator to get on the fourth floor, where they stopped at the first apartment. Instead of numbers to design the different block, they were using letters. For some reason, their suite was in the apartment “O”.

“You’ll be pretty comfortable, you’ll see; the neighbours are really quiet. We permit animals, mostly cats, as long as they’re well behaved.”

Setsuna looked up to the ceiling. He noticed dark engraving in complicated patterns that gave an Asiatic style to the place. So they were in Japan, or something resembling it. Why, he had no idea, but then again, he was supposed to be in a simulator flight and he was currently trying to rent an apartment. It felt so out of place in his messed up life... Feldt was blushing next to him and he listened on the discussion more intently, not sure what Lichti could have said to get this reaction out of her. Feldt was a pretty strong girl and there were only a few things that could reach under the shield she had put around her.

“...the streets aren’t safe late at night for young women, so we highly suggest that you stay home when it gets late, or that you are accompanied.”

“We could reconsider renting this apartment if the neighborhood is too extreme.” The young man observed.

“You’re not exactly the one renting it. Celestial Being is. But let’s cut to the chase. Here’s the form.”

Before that he could say anything more, Setsuna was sitting in the “O” suite, holding a set of keys in his right hand and gazing at the room around him. Everything about it was oriental, even the rice paper wall separating him from Feldt’s room. He wasn’t sure if he liked that arrangement, but he kept on repeating to himself that he hadn’t to like anything about this simulated world, since it would soon be over. He was just wondering how long it would take. He had nothing against the situation; it was simply the fact that he didn’t control anything anymore. Feldt was rummaging through their packages, hoping she could find something to contact the rest of the crew.

“I think we’re really on our own,” she said after a few minutes of search.

She was standing in their living room, which was half a living room and half a kitchen. They had one bathroom just next to her room, meaning he would have to cross through her personal space if he needed to attend to any basic need. If he could still need that in a simulator... Setsuna was maybe rationalizing too much, but he was starting to think that this prank was going just one bit too far. Cause it had to be a prank. What else would it be?

“Almost on your own,” a known voice said from over Setsuna’s shoulder.

He turned and almost jumped back as he noticed a small and shining Tieria standing right next to his face. The apparition was barely 6 inches tall and it tripped on the bed as his support was taken away.

“There are times like this when I’m glad to be a hologram,” Tieria sighed as he sat up, shaking his head and replacing his glasses.

Feldt walked into the room, her eyes wide from surprise but the hint of a smile was lighting up her face.

“What are you doing here, Tieria?”

“I’ve come to fill you in over what’s going on. Nobody’s able to reach you and the simulator has forbidden access to everyone. I couldn’t break his defenses, so I had to project my consciousness in it. I don’t know how long I’ll be able to stay, so I’ll make this quick. The simulator has a whole scenario in store for you. It’s been corrupted by a virus and there’s no way of removing it with you inside. If you don’t act as the simulator wants you to, you could end up in great danger.”

Setsuna blinked, left speechless by the news.

“You mean that we’re stuck here for as long as the simulator wants us to be?” Feldt asked.

Tieria nodded.

“The simulator wants you to follow classes in his Hallmark school for some reason. I have no idea where he gets all his data, maybe is he looking right into your brains, but you could be meeting a lot of people that you already know in strange circumstances. There are two things that you have to keep in mind. Follow the rules this simulator will give you and be careful not to get hurt. The consequences to your body on the Ptolemaios could be catastrophic...”

Setsuna frowned, looking at Feldt who was turning really pale and then back at Tieria. Wasn’t this all a nightmare? How could the simulator decide to go all Big Brother on them suddenly? But before that he could ask anything, Tieria’s hologram started to fade.

“Wait a minute. How did you learn all that?” the cruxis man asked.

“Veda is still connected to the Ptolemaios and on the simulator. I was able to see what it was planning for a moment, before that it cut all the connections I had left. I can’t stay much longer, otherwise, my consciousness could fade with my virtual image. Be careful, Setsuna and take good care of Feldt. That’s Miss Sumuragi’s orders.”

As he got up, Tieria’s small hologram entirely vanished, from the feet up to the last strand of hair. Feldt reached one hand out, as if to take him back, but there was nothing left where he had been standing. She exchanged a look with Setsuna, her eyes filled with questions and anxiety.

“I guess there’s nothing we can do about it for now,” he groaned.

She gazed at the floor, feeling as helpless and defeated as him. They were stuck in a virtual reality, with their body trapped in those awful simulating chairs, forced to follow the goodwill of a corrupted artificial intelligence!

“So then, we’re starting school tomorrow.” She declared.

“I’m not going. I’ll go look around to see if there’s an exit or something. If the simulator was corrupted, there must be a failure in the system somewhere. I’ll find his weakness.”

“I guess I’ll go to school just to make the nasty simulator happy. Can’t believe I’m talking like that, I sound like Mileina.”

She was even more surprised to see one corner of Setsuna’s mouth lifting up at her behaviour. He barely ever saw Feldt happy and he had forgotten how beautiful she looked when she was sarcastic. He wasn’t sure if he had ever seen her being sarcastic before. Nevertheless, he was kinda glad that it was Feldt stuck with him instead of miss Sumaragi or Mileina. It was weird, but it could have been weirder.

“I guess we should act as if this was our real life. I’m feeling kinda hungry.” She said. “What about you?”

“I could use something to eat, though I doubt the good it will do. Since this is all a simulation...”

“I’ll cook us something. There’s some noodles and dishes in the kitchen.”

Feldt turned on her heels and went to her new found occupation, happy to put her mind on something so that she wouldn’t have the chance to panic at the idea of being stuck in this apartment with Setsuna for the next few hours. And to think that this situation could last for days, maybe even weeks. Her heart was half excited by it, and she felt mortified about her feeling. There couldn’t be anything good that would come out of such an event. Setsuna was mad at everything and she should feel eager to get out of this nightmare and back into her boring but neatly organized life as an operator.

The idea of being someone normal, even if it was in such abnormal circumstances was rather interesting for Feldt. She could never be accepted wherever she would go. She was the daughter of Gundam Slaves after all. Here, she could be a simple girl, living with a freaking gundam Meister. And not any gundam Meister, but the one that made her heart beat faster with each of his rare smiles!

...

While Feldt had went to get her repairs done, Mileina was alone on the commanding deck, making sure everything was right in their surroundings. She was slightly mad that she didn’t have a vacation at the same time as her parents did, but it wasn’t really that bad. It gave her a chance to do stuffs without having her father always on her back. She was a grown up as all the rest of the crew and she could do her job just as well as everyone else. She felt trusted as she stood alone on her operator’s chair. She ran one hand through her curly and long hair that she had let down today. Tieria was supposed to come for a visit in a few hours and she was really eager to see the look on his face when he’d notice the change. He was often contacting her, to tell her about any update that concerned miss Sumuragi. Since she was, with Feldt, the only one in charge of communication, she enjoyed privileged talks with Tieria Arde, though it held nothing really personal. He was an innovator and had many things to worry about except from her. And they still weren’t a thing. He had no idea how happy she felt when he would contact her first to have his news relayed to everyone else. She was afraid that he could think she was boring and superficial, which she really wasn’t, but guys could be dense as her mother had told her. Tieria didn’t have many prejudices left when he looked to human. The only problem was that he wasn’t human himself, really.

 Mileina didn’t care, since she would get to see him walking back in the Ptolemaios today. And then, her screen went black and the lights shut down.

“What...?! I didn’t touch anything!” she yelled, already preparing herself to be scolded.

“You don’t have to yell like that. The shutdown is coming from the simulator.” Arde’s voice declared, making her jump out of her seat. His face appeared on the screen, his eyes dark and serious, his lips held in a thin line that cooled down Mileina’s happiness at seeing him.

“Why are you contacting us through the computers?”

“Veda’s been infected. I couldn’t get back in a flesh and blood body in time to warn you. The ship’s simulator is going berserk. It’s using Veda as an energy source and it even managed to shut down most of the ptolemaios’ systems.”

“What?! I have to warn the others!”

She ran to the door, which she discovered to be locked. She forced herself not to yell with despair and turned around, feeling the innovators’ eyes laying heavily on her shoulders, though he wasn’t standing in the room.

“Feldt must be in danger and...I’m stuck in here, Tieria, I can’t warn anyone. How would the simulator even get a mind of its own to do anything like that?”

“Someone’s been messing around with it. I’m trying to cut every outer connections it may have, but it’s taking time. Try to re-establish the power here, I’ll warn everyone.”

As he spoke, the picture of his face was haltered by some saturation.

“Are you okay?” Mileina asked, sounding a bit too concerned to her own taste.

Tieria blinked once, before to smile, coolly replacing his glasses on his nose, though they hadn’t move from an inch.

“I’ll be fine, Mileina. I just have to keep Veda in check. I’ll let you know what’s up in a few moments.”

She was scared to be left alone in the dark, but she waited till the screen went off to let out her squeal of fear. Something was really wrong with the simulator and she had no idea what was going to happen to Feldt. One thing was sure. She had more work to get done. And she had to get it done fast. Otherwise, the light wouldn’t come back. And Tieria had already too much things to worry about.

...

Sumeragi was shocked by the simulator’s rebellion, but she quickly reacted. She let her beers to the side and quickly gathered her few crew members –namely Lockon and Lasse, since Alleluiah was on another vacation with Mary.

“We’ll have to call Alleluiah back. We need all the help we can get, if Setsuna’s really stuck in the simulator.”

“I still don’t get it, but we’d better check this out before that things get really out of hand.” Lasse observed.

They went down to the simulator room, where the electricity was still perfectly running. They had already been warned not to join in the simulation, since it would only make the situation more hectic. While the wide simulation’s screens where showing two different points of view, mainly Setsuna and Feldt sitting face to face across a table where they ate together, many computers were running wild, roaring as they processed all the data to keep the simulation on and running.

Sumeragi was dumbfounded at first.

“Aren’t these two having fun in there? What was Tieria getting at?”

“It isn’t like Setsuna to join in a real life simulation. This looks like dating and I can’t picture our Setsuna F. Seiei dating, let alone having fun. He lives in a different world from us.” Lockon observed jokingly.

Lasse shook his head, seeing as how every simulator’s cockpit was locked. He went to check on Feldt’s seat and was shocked to see that she was being fed intravenously.

“Come over here, guys. I think this could be a real problem. That machine wants them to stay for a long time, and it’s prepared for anything.”

“Lockon, I want Alleluiah here, and on the double. There must be someone out there pulling the strings. We have one less pilot and the double O can’t go out. There must be someone that can benefit from it.”

“But who? We still have a few enemies, but peace has been pretty omnipresent.” Lasse remarked.

Lockon raised his shoulders in cluelessness.

“The most urgent right now isn’t to know who did this but to cover our backs.” He sighed.

...

Alleluiah and Mary had asked to go back to Earth, feeling a little too appealed to fight if they stayed in space for too long. They had less nightmares and it was nice to spend time alone together. They liked to walk and they talked, as they did in the past, be it through their minds or through words. It felt relaxing and comforting.

They were sitting on a bench, holding hands and gazing at the wonderful scenery when Alleluiah’s phone rang and called them back to reality. Mary wasn’t entirely surprised by the harsh tone Alleluiah had as he asked her to get up. They were going back. Something had happened. Whatever it could be, it was important.

“I’m sorry to take you back in space already, Mary.”

“It’s okay.” She said. “As long as I’m with you, I don’t mind where I am.”

He knew she didn’t lie about it. It was all true. There was no more fear left between them. He smiled at her and their hands linked together as they hastily walked out of the park and back to their ship.

As he entered the atmosphere, Alleluiah felt a harsh pull on his conscience, as if the other Hallelujah was asking to be left out. He fought against him, unable to understand what could be triggering his wake. Mary let out a sharp gasp.

“What’s this pressure?”

“I can feel it too. Something’s wrong out there.” He determined.

They exchanged a painful look. With all that they’d been through, they had the foolish hope that nothing bad could come in the future. But life was harsh. And they knew it pretty well already.

“We’ll be together,” he tried to reassure her.

“Together.” Mary repeated.

The pressure felt a little more bearable. But only for an instant.

...

Feldt stared at her noodles’ bowl. It felt pretty surreal to be sitting right in front of Setsuna. They hadn’t tried to fight against the kitchen’s arrangement and had simply sat down to eat. He wasn’t speaking, but he seemed hungry from the way he ate. She kinda felt uneasy, since she had no idea if he liked her cooking, or if the food even tasted like her cooking.

“It’s a bit spicy,” she sighed.

“It’s good.” He simply responded, making her blush with his straight answer.

“I’m glad you like it.”

That made him realize the situation they were in and he felt just the hint of shyness growing up inside him before to put his mind back on the noodles. It was nothing much, but spices had always been common in his homeland and it held something that made him feel secure. His mother used to cook so spicy it would burn the back of his throat. He felt his eyes watering at the thought and coughed to chase it away. It had been a long time since he ever referred to them as his parents. They had been his victims. The victims of god. It was the greatest sin he’d ever had to carry. The first of all, which made everything he did unforgivable...

“Are you okay, Setsuna?”

“Doing fine.” He said, choking on his words. “It tastes good. I swallowed too quickly.” He said.

Feldt barely looked up from her bowl.

“It’s hard to believe we’re really stuck here. It’s all so...”

Her comment brought him back to the here and now. His focus was so complete that he forgot the awful past that threatened to swallow him.

“...unreal.” he completed for her. “I’ll get us out by tomorrow.”

She smiled at that and Setsuna felt his heart skipping a beat. Had he just tried to cheer her up? Had he just managed to do something that simple? He wondered if it was wrong or right. He felt too close to Feldt. The whole situation made him feel so awkward.

 _But that’s how we stand. There’s no running away from it. It’s really her with me. Even Tieria said so. I have to look out for her_ , he thought.

He felt his heart stirring in his chest. He wished he had his gundam. He’d felt a bit more capable to protect Feldt.

To be continued...


	2. First day at school

 

Setsuna was the first up. He had had nightmares for most of the night, and he felt pretty weary. Seeing his dead parent over and over again didn’t help and he could swear that it was the simulator’s fault. He got up, carefully walked through Felt’s room and went in the bathroom to get a cold shower. He closed his eyes under the strong stream, letting his body turn numb from the cold, before slowly adding warmer water. He almost felt relaxed when he heard a voice in his back that made him crack one eye open. He was shocked as he saw a small holographic picture of Lockon, standing on the soap’s tray.

“Why the cold shower? You’re not getting any flirty ideas, are you, Setsuna?” Layle joked.

Setsuna blinked in response, his feeling a mix of shock and annoyance.

“What are you doing here, Lockon? You can’t join in the simulation.”

“But we found a way to contact you. I’ll be leaving for now, but I just wanted to let you know that you’re not alone. Though you can ask us to let you alone if you need private time with Feldt.”

Setsuna felt his cheeks burning red at the insinuation, but he didn’t let his anger get the best of him. Lockon vanished just as quickly as he had appeared and the young man wondered if there were cameras projecting the simulation on some screens in the ptolemaios. If there was any, Sumeragi was bound to watch. His face was on fire as he quickly got out, dried himself up and got dressed. He noticed his clothes had been switched with a student uniform, but the only thing he was worried about was to hide his bareness. His hair was still dripping wet as he got out, still blushing, wearing a dark jacket on a white shirt and navy-blue pants. He hadn’t been able to arrange his tie and had let it untied around his neck. He was met by a sleepy Feldt as he came out and felt his face heating up even more as he noticed that she was wearing only a wide shirt as her pajama.

“Morning,” she said, oblivious to his strange behavior.

He nodded, walking around her and heading for the kitchen, before to think of something.

“I don’t know if we’re broadcasted to the rest of the Ptolemaios, but Lockon just appeared on me, saying that he could contact us if we needed any help.”

“Sounds great.” She said, yawning slightly.

Her puffy eyes and messy hair made her look incredibly cute and Setsuna held down his breath as he saw her walking into the bathroom. Feldt wasn’t awake at all. She must have had a pretty messy sleep, just as him. He jumped as she yelled a few minutes later, before to hold back half a smile. Whoever had showed up to see her in the washroom would get a hard time once they’d be out of this simulation...

Setsuna waited to see her all dressed up for school and they ate together, each lost in thoughts. The school uniform was as all his fellow uniform down on the real Earth. The skirt was incredibly short and it was tightly following the girl’s curves, making her sight almost unbearable for Setsuna’s pure teenager mind. Feldt was always to her advantage, but the pink shirt underneath her yellow vest with neatly aligned button made her hair look even more radiant. She had quickly fixed her hair in two ponytails, making her look slightly younger.

“Sumeragi gave me a similar warning, but she added that they wouldn’t broadcast what’s going on in the bathroom.” She declared, blushing slightly as she mentioned the last part.

Setsuna nodded in response, before to stretch his arms above his head.

“Guess I’ll be going to find any weakness around this place.”

“Try to be careful.” She reminded him.

Another nod and he was already up and leaving. Feldt sighed heavily as the door closed behind him. It felt more than unreal. And she was slightly ashamed that he’d seen her with her freshly awaken morning look. It wasn’t too flattering. She had noticed the small blush on his cheeks as they had sat together at the table. He was finding the situation hard too. He just had trouble expressing it. It was Setsuna after all. She almost wished he would have accepted to go to school with her. Sighing again, she looked at her planning.

“Science, Computing, Mathematic, Lunch, Gym, Free period. Sounds great,” She tried to cheer herself up.

She was pretty sure that she knew everything about it all already. Except maybe for gymnastics and stuff. She was no athlete, though she could run for fifteen straight minutes. She bet Setsuna could last a whole day running. He had spent almost 24 hours fighting once.

...

Tieria felt like rubbing his temples if he still had a body to do so. His mind was running in so many directions, he had trouble following. He was worried about the people on the Ptolemaios, even if the light was back and if the simulator’s ray of action had been reduced to a small portion of the ship. He wanted to be with them, physically. Mileina was the only one who really seemed to be worried. Sumeragi had started making jokes, at how fitting it seemed that it was Setsuna and Feldt stuck in the simulation. Lasse and Lockon were already betting to see if Setsuna would fall in love before a week or if Feldt would get mad at him for acting so cold before. She was clearly infatuated with the young gundam Meister. Tieria had other worries, on a really different scale.

His body was almost achieved, Veda had been secured at new, but he was starting to have a few memories laps lately. He stored everything into Veda, but things that he knew escaped him suddenly, making it hard to keep a tab of his daily activities. He hoped that this was no dark omen to warn him that his time was running out. He had started considering himself immortal since he had fused with Veda. But his experience was still small and he had a lot more to learn. He was one of the first Innovade that could come back to life as he willed it and transfer his consciousness to any fitting receptacle.

Would he be able to remain whole even though he felt his mind crumbling if he tried doing too many things at the same time?

_The simulator could have been pirated by the Alaws... But they’ve been disbanded._

_Ribbon is gone, but I still see him whenever my mind’s empty._

_Mileina said something about taking care of myself. She’s worried about me. Even though I’m immortal. Is it just because her father’s gone to Earth... Or was that light always buried in her heart?_

Tieria understood many things, maybe too many. He wanted to take a deep breath and to push it back out, to feel some resistance. He had always comforted himself in the fact he wasn’t human at the beginning of his life, and now, all he longed for was to feel human, at least for a few days. To walk alongside his old friends, as tall as them, not to be a simple picture projected or reflected on a wall. He was angry at himself for having so many desires. It was unlike an innovade, unlike everything he had devoted his life to.

He felt so alone, even if he wasn’t created with any need. Before, Veda’s rejection scared him beyond words and thinking his creator could be disappointed in him made him cry like a little kid. Now, he was back to being the cold Tieria Arde, back to being closed off from the rest of the world.

He checked once again on the physical body he was creating to his resemblance and happily discovered that it was finally ready. Almost without thinking, he threw himself back to a world where touch could reach him and physical pain could hurt. His eyes opened to the darkness and he felt cold glass under his naked feet. A sense of ominous fear almost filled him, before what was left of his conscience in Veda reminded him that he was far greater than any darkness. But the loneliness of space was still vivid and he quickly got out from his tube, his muscles reacting to his orders. He was almost sure that he forgot something as he dressed himself in the violet and white overall he used to wear as a part of Celestial Being. He rubbed his temples, before to replace his hair and glasses.

His heart was beating a little too fast and he forced himself to relax as he sat in his Virtue Gundam. He took off without a word, only thinking about joining with his friends and finding his place, back on the Ptolemaios. He breathed in and out a few times, just to regain his composure. Feeling alive was something else than just being alive. As he flew, he noticed his mailbox was full and turned it on.

Mileina’s cheerful voice immediately filled the cockpit.

“I don’t know when you’ll be checking your message, Mister Arde, but I wanted you to know that we’re really eager to have you back with us.” She said.

He could tell she had been blushing and wondered when she could have registered that message.

“And by we, you mean yourself alone.” He couldn’t repress himself from saying out loud.

His voice sounded frail, like that of a newborn. And that was what he was. Another message came, with a shyer Mileina talking.

“Hello, Mister Arde. I just... I was just wandering... Is there someone you miss more than the others in all the crew? I know it’s pretty... indiscrete. But... I’d like to know... Cause I sure miss you.” She quickly added.

He wondered when she found the time to make all these messages. Her father would never let her do anything like that. And Sumeragi would have made a comment at some point. If felt almost childlike, but he liked how cute that made her sound. The next message was the last and it surprised him.

“I don’t know if you can check your mail while you’re in Veda, mister Arde, but I’d like you to forget the previous things I’ve said. I was out of line, really. I mean... Oh gosh, I can’t believe I’m registering all this! I’m no small teenage girl with rainbow dream, you know. I just don’t know how to reach out for you anymore.”

Tieria’s heart missed a step. This sounded a lot more serious than the rest. And he noticed that it had been sent a few hours ago.

“I just want you to take me seriously. I don’t have the nerve to tell it to your face, but I really like you, be it in Veda or human form.”

Tieria stopped his gundam for a moment, trying to take it in. This was the first time that anyone had told him something like that... He felt lost and unsure of himself. Who was he to reject Mileina? Who was he to drag her in his world, while he wasn't even human like her... ?!  
  
Tieria couldn't even think about acknowledging her confession. It would put both of them in a terrible situation. First, her father would kill him and second, she would never be able to live with him on a regular basis... After all, his memories laps were still ongoing and he had no idea what the future had in store for him...   
  
What could he give to a young human girl? She wanted him to take her seriously and that meant that she was expecting something. But though he had some doubts on what it could be, he wasn't sure if he had the nerve to try anything... Was he fit for love?  
  
He couldn't believe he was already taking his pondering that far. She said that she liked him, she wasn't asking for the moon, maybe she just wanted him to be a more considerate friend or to be treated more like an adult. He shook his head. That had to mean more. But the more he wondered over it, the more he had doubts. What would she see in him? He was an innovade and ... a freaking spirit living in a computer!  
  
Would a sane girl really want him as her boyfriend? Why did he suddenly feel so unworthy?!  
  
"I can't stay like this. I have to make a decision." He said to himself.   
  
Mileina was a nice girl. He had always thought that she was rather cute. He had never looked at her in any other way because he hadn't been made to think like that. He could feel things like anyone else. Or at least he thought that he could. But at this very moment he had no way of describing what he was feeling. He was lost and he had a choice to make. Should he act as if he hadn't heard about this message? Wouldn't it be wrong to lie about it?  
  
He finally decided to wait and do as if nothing had been learned. After all, Mileina had no way to be sure that he'd checked his voice mail. That could give him time to realise how he really felt about her.

...

As Setsuna walked around the town, he was desperately looking for anything out of the ordinary. There was certainly a weakness somewhere that he could exploit, a bug or something that he could use to get out. Feldt was incredibly cute, but there was no way that he’d let her stay in this unstable world, even if that meant keeping her all to himself. Anyway, why would he even want anything like what Lockon had so subtly implied? He spotted a miss Sumeragi madly kissing some guy right in the middle of the street and looked the other way, blushing once more. Had a young girl taken control of the simulator? What was going on around here?

 _We can’t stay here..._ he thought to himself.

He wouldn’t survive long if he couldn’t sit in his gundam. He already missed the controls under his hands and the feel of his tight suit. He had grown so accustomed to it; it was like wearing a second skin. He felt small and vulnerable, walking around the streets. All this space was too wide and he had no idea what was hiding behind the corner of the next street. As he turned, he spotted a wide screen floating in the air, with a news flash over how school were getting crowded and dangerous.

“A young girl was hurt during a sport class, due to an accident, but it’s the third time already this week. The director of Star High maintained his words that his school is above every other for the security, but the citizens are starting to fear for the children. Our reporter, Ion, has gone to interview the sport teacher today...”

People around the street snickered at this, while a young woman appeared on the screen.

“The boys are really competitive, just as the girls, and it’s all but normal to see accident happen. The school or my teaching aren’t guilty of anything. The first girl received a ball in the stomach and overreacted. The second one was tackled against a wall, which was the other player fault and his parents have already paid for the hospital fees. We aren’t here to make discipline but to teach sport to these kids.”

Setsuna frowned. It sounded like some really dumb news, though the teacher seemed unable to control a bunch of teenage boys all ready to show their skills no matter what the limit was. Why were the girls playing with the boys anyway? Normally, a guy would adapt his way of playing when against girls. He wondered over Feldt’s safety. Could she be at risk? Was the simulator showing this to him as a warning?

“The third girl hurt during a sport class has been in a coma, after her head was hit against the wall several times by another girl. Nena Trinity, the responsible for this, said that her classmate had stepped on her foot. She is rumored as a really unstable woman and has been followed closely by many specialists. She’s suspended from the school for the next month and could be expulsed if she doesn’t do anything to repay her misdeeds.”

Setsuna had felt his breath catching at the very name of Nena. That psycho girl was here? His next thought was about Feldt. She couldn’t be safe anywhere around this city if Nena was here. Not that any of the girls had ever interacted together, but the simulator was clearly giving him signs over the scenario he had created. He turned on his heels and headed to his school. He had to keep an eye on her from up close. If the Trinity were here, who else could be? His mind immediately pictured Ali Al Satchez and he pushed the thought away, shivering at the very idea of hearing his voice. Weren’t the nightmares enough? Layle had killed him, and it was all over. But he was now living in a simulator and nothing could be considered as over...

Setsuna arrived in the middle of a class, out of breath and looking somewhat lost. He was surprised to see a dozen of Tieria looking up at him. Some were wearing glasses, while other had long hair with complicated hairstyle. They were all girls. The only boys from the class were a teenage copy of Lockon and another one of Alleluiah. He spotted Feldt in the middle of the class and she smiled at him, even if she was surprised. There was an empty desk next to her, and he quietly walked down the alley to sit next to his home mate.

“It’s good of you to care to join us, Mister F. Seiei.” The teacher said.

He was taken aback as a fully grown Louise stared back at him, standing in front of the class. This simulator was going to give him a shock that he wouldn’t be able to take. He ignored the woman and sat down, looking to the chalkboard, his face a mask of indifference. Inwardly, he was asserting a few things. Like the fact Nena wasn’t around the class, which was good. He exchanged a brief look with Feldt, who raised her shoulders in helplessness. Though his face was blank, his eyes were filled with questions and she had nothing to answer him about this weird class made of Tieria’s female copies...

“You should introduce yourself to your comrade, mister F. Seiei.” Louise observed, clearly annoyed by his attitude.

The young boy stood up from his desk, as stiff as a soldier being inspected. He didn’t look to the rest of the class, or even Feldt.

“Name’s Setsuna F. Seiei, gundam meister for the OO Gundam. I’ll be studying among you people for an unknown period of time.”

Feldt brought one hand to her face, sighing outwardly. This was going to turn even more hectic than a normal school life with him around being himself. Setsuna sat back, noticing her reaction and assuming she was exasperated. It wasn’t entirely like Feldt, but after all, he had never been one to understand girls. Even if he was an innovator...

...

As Alleluiah lowered his ship in the Ptolemaios’ docking bay, he was relieved to feel the pressure he and Mary had been under disappear. As if coming back to this ship which had become like a home meant they were safer.

“It’s gone.” Mary observed, a small smile growing on her pale face.

He nodded, smiling to her in return. It was easy to understand what she thought and even more what she felt, and pretty much easier when there was no pressure over them. They both didn’t want their other personality to show up. It seemed that whoever they were, they were connected somehow. They exchanged a brief kiss before to open the door.

Lockon and Mileina were both waiting for them.

“Where’s everyone?” Alleluiah complained. “You call us back and the welcome committee is this small?!”

Mileina looked rather annoyed and raised a threatening finger under Alleluiah’s nose.

“We’re facing a crisis. Setsuna and Feldt are trapped in the simulator. There has to be one of us checking on them at all time to make sure nothing wrong happens!”

“What do you mean, trapped?”

Lockon sighed. He didn’t entirely get what was going on himself, but he hated explaining it even more than trying to get it clearer in his own mind.

Mary walked up to them and saluted Mileina and Lockon properly.

“I see you’ve been taking good care of your girl, Alleluiah. This haircut looks beautiful on you, Mary.” Layle commented, winking at the young girl.

She smiled but didn’t blush, much to her boyfriend’s contentment. They were head over heels for each other and their trust in their love was above anything else. They always seemed connected to each other’s thoughts.

“Let us see the situation for ourselves and don’t you annoy Mary, Lockon,” Alleluiah warned him teasingly.

“You sure haven’t changed, man.”

“Well, Mileina is bigger than last time I’ve seen her. Has it been such a long while?” he asked playfully, smiling at the young girl.

She blushed under his gaze and stuttered:

“It’s the heels. On my shoes. Miss Sumeragi gave them to me for my birthday. Said I was old enough...”

“Sounds about right. Don’t hurt yourself wearing them though.” He gently warned her.

She nodded and turned on herself, to show him how good she was at handling it, before to realize what was going on while they were greeting each other so casually.

“Oh, Sumeragi would kill us, we have no time to chitchat idly!”

“Did she just say idly?” Mary mused.

“The situation on this ship was critical, we didn’t call you back just because we were missing you guys. Setsuna and Feldt are both lost for an unknown period of time,” Mileina insisted.

“I thought they were trapped?” Alleluiah observed, frowning in puzzlement.

“It’s some sort of a trap and kind of a loss for us, but as you said, you’ll understand better if you see it for yourself. Come on now.”

As they were going to leave, another ship requested permission to land and Mileina’s face brightened as she understood who it had to be.

“Our Veda’s freak is back.” Lockon joked around, just to get himself an elbow right in the chest. “Oww, Mileina, come on, you know I don’t mean it in a harsh way or anything.”

Alleluiah exchanged a smile with Mary and they observed the ship docking, before that the linking bay’s door opened to let Tieria right into the Ptolemaios.

“Hey, Tieria!”

The aforementioned man nodded in response to the super soldiers greeting, holding back a full smile as he spotted Mileina being her childish self with Layle. Everything felt right for a moment, but he remained serious, refusing to let his mind wander.

“Has the situation gotten any worse?” he asked, removing his helmet.

“It’s... stable for now. Come on, we’ll check on them now that the whole team is complete.” Layle said, rubbing his chest.

Mileina smiled, reassured to see that Tieria was finally there and back in a new body.

“You said you were coming, but I had no idea you would be here so fast!” She observed.

“One more head on this ship won’t be lost, you all seems way too hectic to me.” He complained.

“It’s the computers’ fault, kid.”

The innovade ignored him, acknowledging Alleluiah with a simple nod of the head, as he walked up to the elevator.

“We’ll talk as we go. I thought the situation was critic...”

They had all been side-tracked by the fact they were reunited after all this time. It was rare that they all stayed together. Tieria was rarely there, being united with Veda, and Alleluiah did his best to evade space, because it held too many bad memories. Lockon was joking most of the time to forget his past and not to mourn all his sadness in drinking with Sumeragi.

...

Setsuna had suffered through lunch from all the questioning looks coming from everyone. The teenage Lockon was flirting with Feldt, much to her displeasure and the young pilot felt uneasy. Alleluiah was trying to understand what he was doing here and the female Tierias were staring curiously. He hated it. Not that he cared about programs. It was the fact they all had his friends’ faces. He knew that it was nothing but a sham; he knew it and he understood that his uneasiness had no true basis. But he couldn’t help himself. He saw enemies everywhere. It had to be some kind of conspiracy. At some point, he was so inwardly distressed that he jumped when Feldt put her hand on his shoulder.

“You’re really tense Setsuna. Is something wrong?”

He shook his head, sighing. Of course, she would be over conscious of his reactions. He would have to calm down, if only not to worry her.

“Everything’s fine. I just...”

He felt too much gazes upon him, too many consciousnesses that didn’t understand him at all. And he kept on wondering, where would the real danger come? Would Nena Trinity appear? Would an old face pop up and hurt one of them before that he could prevent it? Feldt was under his protection right now, but the simulator could throw anything at him.

“You act so suspicious of everything. Are we in danger or something?” she asked him, lowering her voice so Lockon and Alleluiah wouldn’t hear her.

“I don’t know. Stay cautious.” He retorted on the same ton.

“What are you two muttering to each other like that?” Alleluiah observed. “You just joined our school; do you happen to know each other?”

Setsuna looked rather annoyed. Was it the simulator trying to mess around with them? Of course they knew each other. They’d been working together for years.

“We live together.” He said, without thinking.

A young girl squealed, Tieria’s excited face shining between a bunch of violet braids and suddenly, she was asking them:

“So, are you two a couple?”

Setsuna hadn’t expected that. Had the girl been eavesdropping on them? How could people think that he could fit in anything like a couple, when he was... what he was... He looked at Feldt, wondering what effect this question would have over her. She was flushed all over. He thought it was cute, though he chased the thought away as soon as it came to his mind. It really wasn’t the time.

She fidgeted with her hands, trying to ignore the question, but it was clear that she wondered too. It made him a little more nervous. The simulator had had something in mind to lock them together in there. He could swear that things would have been different if he was locked here with Mileina or Sumeragi. But this was Feldt.

“We’re friends.” was all she muttered and Setsuna felt something close to regret, though he preferred to think it was some twisted kind of relief.

He had no right to mess with anyone’s heart or feelings. Not after all the pain he had given to others. Starting with his parents. And Neil, and Marina. And all the lives he had taken that were nameless but still existed. He could understand others by being an innovator, but it didn’t mean he could be understood or that he wanted to. Being with others meant pain and loss. He liked the ptolemaios’ crew; that much was true. They were the closest thing to a family he had and losing any one of them would mean the end of the world. But he had destroyed his own family himself and getting too close to any of his new friends would be presumptuous. His heart stirred in protest. His logic was flawed, he knew it. He had to think further. But he couldn’t forgive himself, even if he had been manipulated.

The bell rang, shattering his thoughts and the uneasy moment and they were back to being students, going to the gym to get this school day done.

The teacher, a weird alternate version of Lasse, ordered them in two teams. Setsuna and Feldt were with a bunch of Tieria girls, while Lockon and Alleluiah were both on the other side, with the other bunch of Tieria female copies. Thankfully, they wore colored shirt belonging to each team, which made it easier to play. The game was soccer and Feldt thought she had to prove herself, at least to Setsuna, so that he would see that she could be good at something else than cooking or operating the Ptolemaios.

She ran with all she got, also trying to forget the mixed feelings she had had at Setsuna’s reaction to the question of them being a couple. Why didn’t they both ignored the question? Why couldn’t she ignore it like he did? Why did she care so much about him, and still, felt so egoistical that she wanted him to care back? She was angry with herself, to say the least, so she tried to ignore the young gundam meister and to keep on running, striking points and losing herself in the exercise. She bumped into many Tieria, which mostly apologized, until the tallest and leanest of them stole the ball from her, making a pass at Alleluiah.

Feldt never saw the look on his face as he kicked the ball towards her. She barely saw the ball coming at full speed, high in the air, aimed at her head. What she saw was Setsuna’s face as he came in between the ball and her, and how his features were distorted by pain as his shoulder was hit. She halted, frozen in place, anguish and pain running through her as she realized that he had been trying to protect her all along. Before that she could speak, he opened his mouth, his breathing uneven:

“You’re okay?”

She blinked, hearing the ball falling down on the ground, slowly, as Setsuna’s right arm was hanging low, too low for his own health. No one was moving across the gym and the girls were whispering between them:

“She could have been hit! Are you okay Feldt? What about that guy? Setsuna was it? He looks pale. Who kicked that ball? Why is someone always getting hurt in this class? That ball was coming right in her face, she would have lost one tooth or two, for sure...”

“Setsuna, are YOU alright? You just took a...”

He was about to ignore her and seemed ready to turn away, when a hand patted him on the shoulder, the right one, which had just been hit, he couldn’t hold back a cry of pain and gritted his teeth together, his eyes turning into tight slits. Feldt’s heart churned and ached in her chest at the sight.

“Sorry about that, pal, this was an accident, really.” Alleluiah apologized, apparently not noticing the young man’s pain.

“Don’t touch him!” Feldt snapped, pushing him away from Setsuna, before to grab the gundam meister by his left hand.

He was taken aback by her reaction, but any resistance would have been futile as he met her determined eyes.

“Feldt, it’s okay, I just... dislocated my shoulder.” He said through his gritted teeth, hoping it would reassure her. But the pain was radiating through his whole arm and half of his chest, crushing his usual calmness.

She shook her head.

“I’m taking you to the infirmary, Setsuna. You really seem to be hurting a lot.”

Their teacher approved and they left on their own, before that the young man could even protest. They walked through corridors and climbed up a few stairs, in silence, Setsuna holding his wounded arm and Feldt making sure to open the doors for him. He was embarrassed by her worried carefulness and almost ashamed. He wasn’t missing a limb. Or well, he still could get by alone.

“Feldt, I...”

“You jumped right at the last minute, coming out of nowhere. I didn’t even notice you close to me, but you had to be watching closely from the start, didn’t you?”

He remained silent. He was over aware of her, about the ton of her voice, filled with worry and anger. About her shoulders, that were held tight and stiff, as if she was holding back shivers. And it felt cold in those stairs. He was just wearing a shirt and his black shorts. Feldt herself was lightly dressed, since it was the gym class. Her white shirt was slightly translucent and her legs were entirely exposed by her tight red shorts. Typical Japanese gym uniforms. He looked up as she grabbed him by his good arm, motioning him to walk faster. He wasn’t used to that side of Feldt. How she stormed angrily through the place, realizing how he’d been focusing only on her during the whole match. He knew how strong she was, but he always only saw the calm strength she held within her.

“I’m just looking after you.” He retorted.

“Maybe, but it doesn’t mean you have to get hurt in the process.”

Setsuna knew he could have tackled her to the ground instead, but it would have been too invading. For both of them. Getting too close to her was on his avoid-to-do list. First, because the simulator seems to do all it could to get them closer. And also, because he knew that even if he religiously kept the young girl’s white flower, there could never be anything between them. All he needed in his life was his gundam. His heart was closed to the rest of the world, as much as possible, though it was hard, since he understood everything and could only end up feeling for others.

“Feldt...”

They entered the infirmary, which was empty.

“Guess I’ll have to treat you myself.”

He wasn’t sure if he was supposed to mind. Though it looked like the simulator wanted this to happen. He sat on a white bed, as she asked him to do and removed his shirt, even if it was hard and rather awkward. He slightly blushed as she stared at his bare chest a few seconds, aware of her curiosity. It felt too silent and he looked down to her legs, so that he wouldn’t have to face her eyes. Her fingers gently brushed against his upper arm as she tried to evaluate the damage. His shoulder was heavily bruised, and she winced as he flinched under her touch.

“I’m really sorry, Setsuna. I’ll have to put your bone back in its socket. It’s gonna hurt a lot more than that.”

She had osculated him enough and grabbed his arm and shoulder, hoping she would be strong enough to push the bone back into place in one single motion.

“I know.” He coldly answered.

“I’ll do it in three.”

He quirked an eyebrow, as she started to count. At two, she quickly motioned her hands, trusting his bone up. He barely held back his yell of surprise and let out a moan of pain, his breathing uneven.

“Sorry.”

“’S okay.” He said through his clenched teeth, his upper body trembling slightly.

The pain felt so real, even in this simulator. He didn’t want to wonder what could have happened to Feldt if she had received that ball in her face. Her nose could have been crushed, if her neck hadn’t snapped. The speed and strength from that kick had been enough to disassemble his articulation, and though he was lean, he was a sturdy young man.

“You shouldn’t be so hard on yourself. I should have been the one hit. You always have to butt in and get to suffer instead of everyone else.”

“Wha... I don’t...”

“Are you trying to punish yourself, Setsuna?”

His voice was caught in his throat at that. How could she understand? He blinked, avoiding her eyes. He realized that he ended up staring at her legs. They were fine legs, lean but muscular and long. And so white, it looked perfect, but she shouldn’t be showing them in public. He blushed at the thought. Was he letting himself feel possessive about her? He had no right over her.

“Setsuna, are you listening to me?”

“I protected you back there. It’s the mission miss Sumeragi gave me.”

She thought it was insane. He always used to take the hardest mission, never minding his own health.

“If you get too hurt to move, how can you protect me?”

“I’ll be back to normal in no time,” he protested.

She shook her head, looking for the right words to make him understand how she felt.

“I hate to see you hurt for my sake, Setsuna.”

Her green eyes were full of care and worries. Setsuna forced himself to keep his mask on, but it felt hard, so hard, and at some point, he just wanted to hold her, to reassure her. His left hand raised in the air, as he realized how close she was. And how easy it could be, though his shoulder hurt, though his heart was scared. But instead of bringing her closer to him, he gently pushed her away.

“I’m fine, Feldt. I’ve seen worse.”

And he felt worse as he put on his shirt and walked up to the door. Something within him wanted to be closer to her. He had caught a glimpse of her feelings, of her love and he wanted to taste it. Hadn’t he suffered enough through his life? But it would never be enough to erase the sins from his past. And he couldn’t taint her.

“School’s over. We should get back home.”

She complied, seeing how distant he was again. For one moment, she had seen the frail and vulnerable Setsuna, hidden underneath the innovator.

The people on the Ptomelaios sighed.

“They’re made for each other, but he won’t let her in.” Mileina whispered, holding back tears in front of the drama.

Tieria raised an eyebrow. It seemed the simulator recap had turned into a drama show for the rest of the crew. He would have to set things right, reminding them that those two were their comrades. He felt slightly worried about Setsuna. The young pilot looked emotionally unstable. Gazing at Mileina, he felt his heart twisting. He hated to see her sad, now more than ever. And it felt wrong, because he was an innovade and even farther from being a human. But one could still hope, or so the saying said...

To be continued...


	3. Return of Trinity

Simulator love – Chapter 3 – Return of Trinity

“So, what do you think?”

Sumeragi was standing in front of her crew, the screen turned off in order to focus on the here and now instead of Feldt and Setsuna. Alleluiah had crossed his arms behind his head.

“What can we do? If they’re locked in there, maybe our Veda’s embodied emissary can do something.”

“But what is the simulator looking for, if he’s doing this? What could it be after? I mean, it’s just a machine.” Mary observed.

“You’re right about that. Tieria may have some opinions on this.”

Everybody turned to him, with small smiles. Instantly, the young man was happy to be back among them. The feeling of unconditional acceptance was so comforting and warm.

“I’ve been investigating, and this is not a simple virus. It’s too clearly defined, and it follows a purpose. Someone or something reprogrammed the simulator. I still have to run some tests, because I haven’t been able to crack its code with Veda, so I can’t tell what it’s exactly after. But he’s clearly messing around with Setsuna.”

“And that means that our new enemy, cause there has to be someone pulling the strings on the back stage here, well our new enemy is some real threat. You know that there’s no code Tieria can’t crack.” Lasse observed.

“Still, I don’t get all those Tieria girls,” Sumeragi sighed, wanting to cheer them up a little.

A few laughs and weird smiles appeared at that and Tieria sensed all the eyes on him once again. He was barely annoyed, seeing how everything that the computer did in the simulation was to throw off Setsuna and Feldt.

“Say, Arde-san. Aren’t you a little... annoyed by this?” Mileina asked shyly.

“Well, it’s a computer and with Veda on my side, I guess I’m the closest thing to a cp’s phantasm, so these are merely fantasies coming from the simulator.”

Lockon laughed:

“I know you would have looked better as a girl.”

“Oh no, coming from you, it’s really perturbing. Though I guess, you can only like purple haired innovade.”

Layle went pale at that and his laugh died down, alarming the rest of the crew.

“Oh, that was mean, Tieria, you know how sensible he is about any Anew-related...”

“No, it’s okay, guys. I’ve been running after it, I guess.” The young man interrupted, before to walk out of the room, as gloomy as Setsuna used to be.

Mary sighed and Tieria felt anger and sadness pour over him, as everyone’s feelings mixed around him. He blinked, trying to keep his own feeling in checks. Sumeragi looked unhappy and even disappointed.

“I understand that you may dislike seeing yourself as a female, Tieria, but you don’t have to take it out on others.”

“It wasn’t...!”

“Come on, he just got back in a body.” Alleluiah observed, trying to help his buddy.

Sumeragi raised one hand, asking for silence:

“We need to stand together as a team, especially now. Everyone is feeling threatened to think that someone could have entered our data so deeply that they could mess around with the simulator. So, Tieria, no more cheap shot at anyone. Get on with your tests, Mileina will help you. Mary, Alleluiah, I want you to check on the gundams and make sure every machine is combat ready. Lasse, you come with me, we can’t all be sitting here eating popcorn on Setsuna’s expanse.”

Everyone obeyed quickly, Mileina looking rather happy to have a chance to stay with Tieria. She followed him toward the simulator control panels; noticing the thumbs up Sumeragi was giving her, as an encouragement. It wasn’t a secret for anyone on the ship that she liked that innovade, though she sometimes wondered why. He could be so cold and harsh to other people. But he was brilliant and gentle and mysterious.

“What do you want me to do to help,” she asked him.

He was already hitting the keyboard at an incredible speed, going through panels and codes. He barely looked at her from over his shoulder.

“Maybe you could take another computer. I’ll need all the info over how the simulator keeps them in there, nurturing them. Some installations were made for accommodation, but it’s gotta be...”

He froze and Mileina frowned as he paused in his sentence.

“It’s gotta be what?”

He blinked, closing his mouth, before to run one hand through his hair.

“I can’t seem to find the word. I meant that it wouldn’t do any good to be stuck in there for more than hours.”

Mileina wasn’t convinced.

“You can forget words, Tieria?”

“There’s a great load of thoughts mixing together in my head.” He tried to defend himself.

He turned back to the screen, looking a lot tenser than before.

“Is something wrong Tieria?”

“Our simulator is out of control acting like a little kid when it should be a machine,” he retorted.

“You said it had infected Veda earlier…” she remembered.

The worry in her voice reminded him of her messages and what he received as a confession. He wasn’t used to have someone worrying over him. It softened him in a way that felt like betraying Veda. Had he been made in that purpose?

“It’s all under control.”

“But could something happen to your memories, if Veda is tempered with while you’re inside it?”

She was scared to add her other question, that he could may be lose some information as he downloaded himself back in a body. He wasn’t some hard drive manmande consciousness, but sometimes, she had trouble determining how exactly she could describe him.

“I don’t know everything about it. My situation, is... pretty unique.” He admitted, lowering his head. “Let’s get to work now, Mileina. Setsuna is going to run crazy if Feldt doesn’t get mad at him before.”

She accepted his explication and went to her own computer, still wondering if something was wrong. It was really rare for her to have conversations with him before, even if he was a pilot. She was too young and childish for him to notice her concerns at that time...

They worked each on their side for a little while, Tieria’s fingers gracefully typing on his keyboard. Mileina was surprised by the noise it made and found herself listening intently to the beat it created. She printed out many pages, over the structures the simulator used to tend to every of Setsuna and Feldt’s needs, feeding them intravenously, washing them and stimulating them to sleep or to stay awake. It was incredible that it could invade their privacy like that, but after all, it had gone through every of their thoughts to create the universe they were in. All the Tierias, the young Lockon and Alleluiah...

She wondered what it could have been like if it was her stuck in there. She would have gotten mad a dozen times already... She realized that the beat was gone and looked up, just as Tieria angrily banged on his desk.

“Dammit!”

“What’s wrong? You can’t crack the codes?”

He shook his head, his hands hovering over the keyboard. She observed that his right hand was shaking in such a way that he couldn’t control his fingers anymore.

“Tieria?”

He grabbed his forearm, the shaking running up his arm. Mileina got up, to walk up to him. There was a trickle of sweat on his brow and she put one hand on his shoulder, her face filled with worry.

“What’s wrong? Are you hurt? Is it your body?”

“I don’t know... It’s supposed to be stable, but I suddenly started shaking.”

“Did you learn something strange or maybe... shocking?”

“No, the codes are creating themselves faster than I can break them. He keeps on doing more of them. If only my body would respond. I’ve run every possible test on it, it’s in perfect health.”

“What about yourself, Tieria?”

“A spirit cannot catch a cold. Nor becoming a Parkinsonian just like that.” He bitterly retorted.

“Did you just say _Parkinsonian_?”

“You get what I mean... Mileina, we should...” He gasped as a sudden wave of pain went through him and covered his face with his hand.

“You’re hurting, Tieria. You should sit down, do you want to go to the infirmary?”

“I’m fine,” he said. Mileina’s left arm wrapped around him, as he turned another shade of pale.

“You’re so tense...”

“I...”

“You should relax. Come over here.”

She forced him to sit in one of the chairs they had gathered to watch the simulator screens. It was currently off and they could focus on Tieria’s problem for now.

“You’re not running a fever,” she observed, with her hand on his forehead. “Is it hard to breathe?”

“No, it’s fine... I just... I have a headache...”

“Did something go wrong when you transferred yourself in this body?”

“No. It was wrong before. When Veda got infected... I don’t know what happened exactly... I don’t want anyone to worry about me.”

She blinked at that, sitting next to him, with her knees against his.

“If you need a treatment, we gotta know what’s happening with you.”

“I’m okay. I had some memory lapses, but I don’t know what that meant. I just hate the idea of not being entirely... functional.” He sighed.

She smiled at that and he suddenly realized how close they were.

“You should rely on me if something’s not right, you know you can, right?”

“I don’t want to drag you in any trouble...”

“I don’t care. If you’re in any danger, if there’s anything I can do to help, you gotta tell me!”

And there it was, right back to the feelings he wasn’t ready to face.

“Mileina... I think you’re misunderstanding. I don’t need help. I’m not even human. There may be nothing that can help me.”

“But...!”

She grabbed both of his hands, which he had put on his knees, hoping that it would alter the shaking. Her touch was soft and surprising, almost shocking. He felt reassured once more.

“Mileina, I don’t know what’s wrong. Maybe some nerves aren’t perfectly connected, maybe I asked too much from myself, but I’m not used to...”

Maybe that if he diverted her, he could make her forget some of her worries about him.

“You mustn’t push yourself. Even if you created your own body, you must take care of it.”

 _This is so awkward_ , the young girl thought to herself as she saw him rolling his eyes behind his glasses.

“Maybe I just need some time to adapt myself. I haven’t been living in flesh and bones for months...”

“You know, I don’t think I’ll ever get used to this way of talking.”

He shrugged, gently forcing her to let go of his hands. The intimacy was too comforting, too new to him. He couldn’t fit in there. It pained him somehow, but those emotions made him realize that he felt better physically speaking.

“Stating the obvious shouldn’t hurt. Speaking of which, the pain’s gone and my hands aren’t shaking anymore.”

“That’s great!”

“And we should get back to work.”

It was her turn to roll her eyes. Some things would never change.

...

Setsuna was sitting in the middle of their kitchen, his shoulder still pretty stiff. He looked tired and bored. Feldt wasn’t sure what she was supposed to do or to say. She got busy working on their supper, rummaging through things. The young gundam meister was doing all he could not to let his emotions out of control. The walk back to their apartment had felt awkward. He could use some time alone, but leaving Feldt on her own didn’t feel right.

“Is there something you’d like to eat?”

“Not really...”

“You look so bored...” she observed, looking at him from over her shoulder.

He felt bad at that. He didn’t want her to feel guilty of anything. He wasn’t bored, he was simply annoyed by the situation, but he knew she had to be annoyed too and he didn’t want her to remember that they were in a simulator. She was pretty certainly too aware of that already...

“You could watch the television or something.” She suggested.

Setsuna doubted it would change his state of mind, but it may help him get his mind off things, just for a few seconds. He stayed where he was, expecting silence to come back. Feldt was struggling to fill the void that perturbed the room. She almost wished that Mileina was here to make small talk. It would have been easier for her.

“Just turn on the tv so that I can hear something else than the silence, okay?” she asked, not as aggressive as her words suggested she felt.

Setsuna realized that while he was worried, she was the one being annoyed by his way of acting. He got up and quickly turned on the tv, hoping that the programs wouldn’t force him to see more familiar faces. The first channel was news over some Arabic country that looked just like his home. Frowning, he studied the people on the street and recognized his mom and father. He switched to another channel, where Ali Al Satchez played the role of a gladiator and was charging, followed by an army of black haros. Setsuna gritted his teeth and switch to another channel. There was a heated scene taking place on that third one.  At first, all that could be seen was a man’s back, moving between scattered sheets on a bed. What was going on was pretty clear, even if the room was left in the dark. The names whispered grabbed his attention, despite his first restraint.

“Alleluiah...”

He spotted silver hair on the pillow and saw a pair of hands with fingers intertwined. There was a growl, and moans and the bodies shivered. Alleluiah lowered his head, to cover his girlfriend’s neck with kisses and Setsuna’s doubts were confirmed. To his own surprise, he was mesmerized. Sweet words echoed through the air, whispered in ushered voices. Their love was so clear and pure... How they clung to each other, held each other. Such unity and comprehension in one single act. He had never thought of it that way. And well, he had never really thought over it before. He couldn’t see the people on the screen anymore, as his mind was filled with wants that he’d never expected himself to have. A whisper turned into a yell of pure bliss. He heard something falling in the kitchen and jumped as Feldt’s shocked yell forced him back to reality.

“What are... What is this?! Setsuna, turn it off!”

He stared at her, unable to react, spotting the blush on her face and the anger in her eyes. Guilt overcome him for a moment. This wasn’t wrong, was it? He never meant...

“I wasn’t...”

“Alleluiah!”

“Turn it off!”

Setsuna quickly shut down the tv, almost dropping the controller.   
  
"Why were you staying on that channel?"  
  
"I didn't ask the tv to show that..."  
  
"It was private!"  
  
"It's the simulator who did this, it wasn't the real Alleluiah..."  
  
"You know it could have been them! You know how close these two are and still...!"  
  
"I didn't see it like that..."  
  
"Then how?!"  
  
He paused at that, realizing that this may be his first argument with Feldt in his entire life...  
  
"I was as shocked as you, Feldt, I didn't know how to react... And I..."  
  
"I know you're a man and..."  
  
"Don't give me that!" He snapped, not really sure why he was mad. "I mean... Of course I'm a guy, but that doesn't mean that as soon as I..."  
  
He felt his face heating up and looked away. He was really at fault here and he had the impression that he was only getting himself lower.  
  
"I never meant to invade their privacy. It's just pretty out of place to think they could have been filmed doing this. And I gotta admit, I was curious..."  
  
He wasn't looking at her and she blushed, realizing that she would have reacted the same way if she had been in his shoes.  
  
"I'm sorry for yelling at you. I'm a little on edge." She apologized, fidgeting with her hands. "I'll try to find the tv program next time."  
  
He chuckled at that and the incident was over. But it certainly wasn't over for the Ptolemaios' crew.  
  
Everyone had been there to see this. Alleluiah was gritting his teeth and Mary had covered her face with her hands, ashamed beyond words. She was very well placed to know that this had truly happened. As soon as Tieria had understood what was going on in the movie playing, he had put his glasses on Mileina's eyes and covered her ears with his hands. It was easy since she was sitting right next to him.  
  
"That was... impressive." Lockon whispered. “I thought Setsuna really was a gundam, but he seems to be a man...”  
  
Miss Sumeragi shot one elbow in his stomach, making him whine in protest and turned the screens off.  
  
"I think this owe an explanation. Alleluiah..." She started.  
  
"Wait a minute here. You're not trying to suggest that I'm some twisted guy that would tape...!? I mean, come on! I thought we had privacy in our own quarters!" He retorted, getting up so quickly that he threw his chair to the floor.  
  
"You mean that this was some actual..." Lyle mused, his eyes wide.

He wasn’t joking around, but Mary started to shake and it was clear that she was close to tears.  
  
"This is so embarrassing...!"  
  
Mileina shook her head.  
  
"You shouldn't make fun of her, Lockon, this was something private, just as Feldt said!"  
  
"I know, I just thought the simulator had faked this. Why would there be cameras in our rooms on this ship. Wait a minute... Does this mean...?!"  
  
Everyone stared at Sumeragi and she raised her hands in a gesture of self-defense.  
  
"No way! I'd never... Does this mean we have recordings of everything from everyone's room? Tieria!"  
  
"What is it?" he asked, unable to believe she would accuse him of doing something like that...  
  
"You're in charge. Fix this!"  
  
He sighed.  
  
"Alright, I'll inspect the rooms and the whole ship’s data."  
  
"You can take Mileina with you if you need some help. If you find anything compromising, you'll show it to me."  
  
He froze at that and everyone else in the room eyed Koujo suspiciously.  
  
"Shouldn't I just delete it?" he asked.  
  
"I'll be the judge."  
  
"Wait, don't you think that it concerns the people that will be on the film, if there are any films?" Lockon asked.  
  
"I don't want anyone to see me like this ever again..." Mary whispered between held back sobs. Alleluiah bent next to her, his anger gone and replaced by sadness and caring love.  
  
"Don't cry Mary, it's not..."  
  
"They heard us..."  
  
"Mary..." He tried to grab her hand, but she pushed him away.  
  
"I think we should leave them alone. Let's all inspect our own room first..." Koujo whispered.  
  
They swiftly left the room as they were ordered to. Mileina had still a slight blush on her cheeks, because even if Tieria had made it impossible for her to see or hear anything, she had still understood what had happened.  
  
As they parted, Lasse and Lockon exchanging their thoughts on what they'd seen and Koujo thinking of drowning her sorrow with alcohol, she followed Tieria on the way to his room.  
  
"You should take your glasses back. I can't see well with them. It's funny, since I thought you had no vision's problem..."  
  
"I don't have any vision's problem, but the glasses prevent my eyes from turning to their innovate mode." He replied.  
  
She noticed his yellow eyes and smiled, fighting against her blush.  
  
"You're messing around with me Tieria, you know I know your glasses don't change anything about that. Stop eluding the main subject and tell me why you blocked my view and ears!”  
  
"You're too pure to see something like that...." was his only reply as he gently took his glasses and put them back on his nose with an undeniable grace.  
  
"I'm not a little girl," she protested, mad at herself for feeling so moved just by a few words.  
  
He made a sign with his head, motioning for her to follow him. She grabbed his forearm, not ready to obey.  
  
"You do understand, don't you, Tieria, when I say that I'm not a little girl anymore?"  
  
"I..."  
  
He felt perturbed by her question. He remembered the naked teens, kissing and touching... Their moans had stirred something within him. It was still slightly awake.  
  
"I think I'm not ready to see you seeing stuff like this..."  
  
She stared him in the eyes, wondering what could be hiding behind those words. He held her stare, wondering what she could be thinking. And why did Koujo always ordered her to help him, when she could ask anyone else... And why he was glad that it was her with him when his body had failed him. He remembered her voice mails. And all they truly meant.  
  
"Tier..."  
  
Her voice felt sweet and he was starting to wonder how it would sound if she were to moan. Oh, this was so wrong... He had to stop right there.  
  
"You should inspect your own room as I'll look around mine."  
  
"But..."  
  
"We'll meet up in a few minutes. Call me when you're done, okay?"  
  
He forced the young girl to let go of him and walked away just like that, sighing as he felt the tension within him growing. Behind him, Mileina wondered if he thought that she was annoying. She couldn’t have been more wrong.

...

“Mary, I swear, you shouldn’t...”

Alleluiah was kneeling in front of his girlfriend, barely touching her. She was still shocked.

“There’s nothing shameful about the fact that we love each other...”

“But I don’t want other people to see me like this... Even seeing myself like that, it’s so... weird.”

“Don’t cry like that, please... You’re beautiful, always. The other were as embarrassed as you. And we could only see your face...”

“They heard me, Alleluiah, they heard me when I’m...”

“They heard me too,” he observed, his cheeks reddening as he remembered the look on all of their faces.

Swallowing back her tears, she looked down to him, accepting to remove her hands from her weeping eyes. He immediately took her hands in his, which made her smile.

“I’m sorry. I’m just angry that they saw something that I wanted to stay just between us two... I know they’re like your family...”

“They’re your family too, you know. This was just an incident. No one meant any harm. Lockon may tease us a little, but I guess we could find something to be even with him...”

“Alleluiah!”

She slapped him on the head, to make him understand it wasn’t funny, even if her smile grew wider and he laughed in return.

“I love you, Mary.”

“And I’m glad you do.” She replied, pushing him backward so that she could kneel in front of him. She always preferred to be equal with him. “I’m glad I have the chance of feeling love.”

She lowered her eyes, sighing and he leaned his forehead against hers, holding her close as she put her hands on his chest, as if to make sure he was really there.

“So no more tears?”

She softly shook her head.

“That’s good,” he whispered, leaning down to kiss her, but her next sentence froze him right where he stood.

“But if someone has to beat up someone else, it’s gotta be me...”

“What?”

Could she be referring to Lockon or anyone that would have planted the camera around his room?

“I’m still a super soldier too, remember?”

Another weak smile was exchanged. It was so easy for them to understand each other. Maybe too easy. She gently kissed him on his lips, before to get up.

“We’d better check your room before that Tieria gets down to it. Even if he’s an innovate, I don’t want him to find any other surprise like this one.”

“I know what you mean...”

...

Setsuna and Feldt had eaten, talking about this town and strange school. The Tieria girls were weird and pretty unlike their original. Even Regene Regeda was at least calculative and stoic. Alleluiah seemed to have a little part of the old Halleluiah in him, which meant they had to worry, while Lockon brought back many sad memories. Feldt talked a lot more, but Setsuna wasn’t bored. It showed in the way his eyes shone and for the first time, the young operator didn’t feel out of place. She was rarely talking, mostly observing the world around her. It was a lot like Setsuna, now that she thought about it. He managed to smile back at her and even to laugh, which eased her heart. She wasn’t sure how to explain it, but they were feeling a little closer than before.

They went to sleep early. It was awkward to wish each other goodnight, knowing that they were alone in that big apartment, but dreams claimed them quickly.

Tieria had noticed that the simulator was using psycho stimulants to have them asleep in a few heartbeats. It wasn’t wrong, thought it felt unnatural. Time passed by and the Ptolemaios’ crew had left the simulator room to find sleep. Tieria was sitting alone in the room, checking the screen every once in a while, to know what was going on. He also checked every files that were found in the many cameras they’d found around the ship. It made no sense.

Veda had no recording of this. He wondered if a traitor could have infiltrated them. There had been Anew, but since there were even a few tapes from her spending time with Lockon, he wasn’t sure if it could be assumed that she was really the one at fault. Anyway, finding all those video files had been pretty awkward. There was even one of him crying himself to sleep over Veda’s treason... He was glad no one had been there to see this. Everyone had been given every file concerning them and they were to decide what should be done with them.

There was a yell of fear on the silence and he jumped, looking back to the screen. Feldt was having a nightmare. Setsuna turned in his sleep, in the other room, before that another yell brought him right up, sitting in his bed. He looked around, breathing heavily. Tieria checked the data. The simulator was registering their dreams, if it wasn’t literally creating them from scratch. This had to be pretty nerve-wrecking. Setsuna had been dreaming of his parents, once again. He had been running away from his home, with their ghosts chasing after him, when Feldt’s cry had torn him back to awareness. He was pale and confused.

“Is something...”

“No... No, please!”

Setsuna jumped on his feet, almost tripping as he ran around his bed to enter Feldt’s room. He was looking for an enemy, both hands turned into fists and he froze as he realized there was no one, except for Feldt. She was having a nightmare. As soon as he saw the pain on her face, his heart twisted in his chest. This really wasn’t fair. The simulator was certainly doing it on purpose. He shyly walked up to the head of her bed and sat next to her, wondering how he could ease her fears. He was still filled with his own pain and wasn’t sure if he could fix Feldt’s state of mind. But he still had to try.

He gently grabbed her by the shoulders and shook her. She tensed under his hands, her eyes darting open.

“Setsuna?” she asked, shocked to be met with his concerned eyes.

“You were having a nightmare...”

She stiffened slightly and he removed his hands, staying right where he was, gazing down at her. Her hair was a mess and she looked so lost.

“Christine and Lichti... I couldn’t... They were floating in space. And Lockon...”

A shiver ran in his back. He remembered. How he remembered the helmet left alone in space. Tears gathered in the young girl’s eyes and he wanted to disappear, right there, if it could mean that their friends would have been back. He had no idea that she still missed them so much. He should have seen it in her heart, as an innovator, but he was so afraid to understand other people’s pain, so afraid to fall in a never ending nightmare. He had faced hardships. He could see what others felt and it was so hard, so hard to face it without being able to help. And he was still helpless, still void of words. He realized that he just wanted to hold her, but he was pretty sure it would be out of place.

“Feldt...”

Just whispering her name like this was already too much for his own nerves. It made him feel so vulnerable, though it was her who was soft right now.

She hid her tears with her hands, trying to dry them up, to no avail. It felt so close and so real, time hadn’t change anything. But it was so embarrassing to cry in front of him.

“I’m okay. I’m just...”

“You’re anything but okay...”

And he sounded so concerned, she just wanted to hide in his arms. But his shoulder was bound to still hurt him and the last thing she wanted was to hurt him. At the same time, just crying like this meant that he would be hurt from seeing her in this state...

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay...”

“I’m really sorry, Setsuna.” She insisted, rolling on her side, trying to hide even more.

“Don’t apologize... You shouldn’t try to sleep, we could just... have some tea and talk... to clear off your mind...”

She sniffed and sighed, trying to control her shaking. She remembered Christine’s voice. How that cheerful girl had gotten on her nerves at times. And how she missed her now that she was gone. It felt stupid, but she had been pushed around and abandoned by so many people already. Her parents, and Christine, and Lockon... They had left her behind. It wasn’t their own choice, but they were still gone.

 He stroked her shoulder, his fingers barely touching the skin of her arm, below her shirt’s sleeve. His hand was warm but unsure. Feldt could tell that he cared. But it was frightening, because he was Setsuna F. Seiei. Having him comforting her...

“Please, don’t mind me.” She whispered.

“It’s hard not to.” Was his immediate answer and she was shocked.

Did it mean that she was annoying him? Or that he couldn’t help but worry? She turned around, looking up at him and realized he was leaning down on her. He raised himself a little as their eyes met; surprised by the proximity they were in. His throat was dry suddenly. Had he just said too much?

“Setsuna?” she asked, not sure what she should think.

“How about it?”

“What?”

“Tea?”

She smiled in front of his shyness, but nodded shyly in return. He almost ran out of the room to get some water to boil. As she sat up, with a frail light in her heart, which held feelings she had never experienced before, she tried to comb her hair with her hands, drying all the tears that were left. The nightmare was still close. But Setsuna was there. And it was enough.

In the kitchen, as he tried to find all that he needed to make some tea, the young man felt incredibly light. He had managed to make her smile. It felt, it felt... By his dear gundam, it was Feldt! Was he out of his mind? Had he forgotten that everything close to love was forsaken for him? But he still wanted to hold her in his arms. He had her alone with him for the next few days. He was just starting to realize all that this implied. She was too cute for his own sanity, he knew it. But he needed her to smile. He could understand that light in her eyes. He wanted to understand much much more, even if it meant getting hurt. He knew his heart was winning a race over his brain. He had to calm down. Somehow...

Tieria was sitting alone in front of the screen, noticing everything about his friends’ behaviour. There was a smile on his face, even if he should ignore this to keep working. The thought of Mileina’s cheerfulness when she’d see this made him feel all lighter inside. And for once, he didn’t mind.

To be continued...


	4. Tea, kisses and computer

Simulator love – Chapter 4 – Tea, kisses and computers

Setsuna and Feldt shared a cup of tea, sitting on her bed. She had wrapped herself in a blanket, while the young man had crossed one leg, the other one raised so that he could lean his right arm on it. He looked casual, almost normal and she was surprised to see him so relaxed. They didn’t talk. Words weren’t needed. She just smiled shyly, drinking her tea sip by sip, as he stared at her with his incredible eyes, sitting right in front of her. It didn’t feel provocative or threatening. On the contrary, it was his way to remind her he was there for her. His breathing was even and quiet, which calmed her down. The nightmares were gone as they stood in perfect understanding.

At some times, their eyes would look away, since it was hard to hold someone’s stare for too long. But there was no malice in his crimson irises. Curiosity, maybe. Something childlike that she had missed many times and that matched with his lean body. The tea was warm and as a smile crept on the young Azadistan’s warrior face, Feldt knew her heart was captured for good.

“I don’t know how you do this…” she sighed after a few more minutes.

He blinked, as if she had awakened him from a trance.

“Do what?” he asked.

“You look at me like that and I feel... so whole... It’s as if I can’t believe you’re really looking at me.”

He blushed, unable to grasp all that she meant by that. It sounded like a question.

“I...” he sighed before deciding to be honest about it. “You’re cute, Feldt. I’ve rarely had the chance to see you relaxed...”

Her face flushed, but he seemed as shy as her and she started playing nervously with her hair.

“Setsuna... I’d never thought you’d have any opinion over girls...” she admitted.

That simply made him smile a little more.

“I’d never thought we’d... spend so much time together.”

And she could tell from the way he said it that he didn’t mind. They stood another moment in silence, gazing at each other, understanding how well they were feeling. She finished her tea and gently put her cup back on her cupboard.

“How was it?”

“Really good. Thanks for making it. Thanks for taking the time to comfort me...”

“It really isn’t...”

Feldt decided that she should be a little bolder and interrupted him. As soon as they started speaking, they were getting all shy again and she wanted both of them to stop acting like kids.

“Aren’t you cold?”

He slightly jumped as he saw her leaning in his direction and immediately backed away.

“I... I’m fine, really.”

“Here,” she retorted, giving him one of her blanket. “You suggested to talk, but you’re not really talking...”

He hesitantly dropped the cover on his shoulders, carefully moving his wounded arm.

“There doesn’t seem to be anything I should say. You looked so peaceful, I was reassured. I’m not good at cheering up others.”

“I think you’re better than you think.” She paused for a moment, appreciating the new blush on his face. He seemed to get flustered an awful lot around her. She forced herself not to get any wrong idea and asked: “Aren’t you getting sleepy? Does your arm still hurt?”

“I seem to have only nightmares since we’ve gotten here, so I don’t care much for sleep. My arm feels better, though. It should be all fixed the day after tomorrow... If we’re not already tomorrow.”

A brief laugh was shared and it felt so right that they couldn’t understand why they hadn’t realize how alike they were before.

“I don’t feel as trapped as I was this morning,” she whispered, wrapping her arms around her knees, looking down at her hands. The mattress followed her movement and Setsuna ended up staring at her, mesmerized by all the peace she exuded at this moment.

She was almost too quiet and he knew it was wrong to let things settle in this pace. He wanted to get closer, almost wanted her touch, which was so unlike him. He fought against contradicting feelings. And then he realized that she was staring right back at him with her questioning eyes. Were they losing it? Were they letting this simulator get the best of them?

Was she really falling for him and was he really going to fall himself? It felt so...

“Feldt...”

Her name seemed to mean much more than it should.

“What is it?”

He looked like a deer in the headlight, unaware that he had spoken out loud. He bit his lips, feeling his nervousness growing up inside him. Answers, answers, he needed answers when all he had were questions. Honesty was going to lead him on the path to destruction, but lies weren’t an option either. He couldn’t confuse her for much longer. He used to avoid women. And everyone else for that matter.

“I just... like the sound of it.”

There it was said and it seemed clear that this night would end up with more flushed cheeks and all, but she just smiled.

“That’s the sweetest thing...” she trailed off, looking away, her smile still plastered on her face. And it felt so right. He just wanted to whisper her name again, because he was feeling so many things, but he fought against himself. He had to stop this, or he’ll start regretting moment like this one and to be obsessed in spending all his time with her.

They waited in silence for a few more minutes before that he made his move. He got up, shifting anxiously.

“If you feel better, I’ll get back to bed. We’re getting up early tomorrow.”

She nodded, all flustered from that strange exchange they just had. So he liked her name? He even brewed some tea for her. How much more could she get surprised by him?

...

It was still barely morning and the teenagers were already sitting in their class; waiting for the bell to ring. Setsuna was right next to Feldt, musing at all the feelings he was discovering and wondering if a few hours in his gundam’s cockpit would help him clear his mind. The Tierias girls were chatting together, not even mixing with the two other boys from the class. Lockon was sitting in front of Feldt and had turned his chair around to talk to her.

“So you’re really living with Setsuna? Are you two engaged or something?”

Alleluiah wasn’t really interested in anything or anyone, tapping on his phone as if his life depended on it. The classroom’s door opened suddenly, to the entrance of Nena Trinity. Setsuna tensed at her sight and Feld looked up, gasping from the shock. What was she doing here?!

“I’ve heard there were some new transfers students, but I didn’t know one of them was such a cutie.”

Nena walked straight up to Sestuna, like a shark would swim towards its prey in the ocean. He didn’t move an inch, looking indifferent and uncaring until she sat across his desk. At that, he raised one eyebrow, but didn’t back away.

“You’re Setsuna F. Seiei, right?”

He slightly nodded and Trinity smiled. She was awfully casual and close to him.

She bent a little toward him and Feldt saw red. The young operator jumped to her feet, raising one hand as she saw Nena leaning into Setsuna’s face, clearly aiming to kiss him. Setsuna was surprised as he realised that Feldt’s hand was on his lips and Nena moved backwards, getting back on her feet, frowning.

“I don’t ever want to see you touching him, Nena, you hear me?”

She had rarely felt so enraged in her life, but she remembered too well how shocked and mad Setsuna had been the last time his space had been invaded by Nena in such a way. The gundam meister didn’t seem to be able to understand human’s interaction enough to determine when he would be involved in them. At least, not in this sort of scenario.

“Who do you think you are, telling me what to do?!”

As Feldt was removing her hand and starting to stutter, blushing as she looked for a way to explain herself, Setsuna grabbed her retreating hand, clearing his throat to also grab the two girls’ attention.

“You’ve heard my girl, haven’t you? Back off.”

Nena eyed them both with a look of utter confusion. Even Feldt was surprised and she stared at Setsuna, wondering if he was pretending or not. She’d rarely head him threaten anyone. And now, he looked ready to snarl.

“Wow, so you’re really together!” Lockon commented while a few girls squealed or sighed, finding it just too cute.

Setsuna rolled his eyes and Feldt blushed even more, as Nena retreated slowly to her own desk in front of the class, cursing under her breath. Her friend was still holding her forearm and she found his touch warmer than she expected. Her fingers were cold.

“You okay?” he asked her.

She nodded and was met by a mysterious smile. This Azadistan boy was starting to puzzle her. Was he messing around with her?

“Setsuna, I...”

The bell rung and he let go of her hand, allowing her to get back to her place. She couldn’t focus on anything for the rest of the morning, merely able to remember the feel of his hand right over his. She already missed it. And she had no trouble understanding why. But this had been so unlike Setsuna...

...

They only managed to talk around midday, when they ended up sitting alone in the cafeteria. Setsuna had been silent for most of the day, barely answering the teacher if he was asked any question. And all that Feldt could remember was how he’d called her “his girl”...

“Aren’t you mad at me?”

He frowned at that, not sure to understand why he should be mad. They were sitting side by side at the cafeteria and everyone had left them alone, as if they understood those two needed to talk.

“I mean, I’ve been acting pretty possessive this morning and I even...”

He shook his head, feeling all flustered just to think back over it.

“It made me happy. I mean… That you cared so much. I really wasn’t expecting her to pull something like that and you jumped to conclusion, ready to protect me at all cost... It was unexpected, but it made me really happy.”

He made it all sound so simple, but she was glad and couldn’t help herself but to smile.

“I don’t get it though. When you said that I was your girl...”

He blushed slightly and looked the other way.

“I thought she would leave us alone if she thought that we were together...”

“But you know... That I don’t belong to you, right?”

“Of course... Anyway, you act as if you were the only one that can touch me around the school.” He observed.

“I never meant it like that. It’s just... I know you don’t like having people too close to you.”

Setsuna felt like being fully honest with her, but he was still ashamed of his feelings and afraid of being heard by other people. Like the Ptomelaios’ crew.

“Well... I don’t really mind if it’s you.” He whispered, making sure that his voice was low enough that only she could hear. Or so he hoped...

Feldt looked taken aback.

“You mean it?”

He nodded and as they sat side by side, the young girl wondered if she could give him a hug or if it would be too bold.

“You’re acting weird. You really are Setsuna, aren’t you?”

He blinked, never expecting her to ask for something like that.

“Of course I am!”

“You could have been switched with a hologram while I wasn’t watching you. We’re still in the simulator, remember? How do I know that you were there from the very beginning?”

“What about me? I could ask you the same thing.” He observed, suddenly aware of the dangerous mind game this machine was playing with them. If Feldt wasn’t real, then he was certain to go mad.

“I asked it first, so _you_ answer me.”

“But how could I...?” He froze, realizing something, and his mysterious smile was back, as light as a feather. “I trust my gundam. I really miss my gundam. And you better be the real Feldt, otherwise, I’m losing my time around this school...”

She sighed, reassured that it was truly Setsuna. He sounded so peaceful. He was so much more talkative than his usual self. She wrapped one arm around his arm and leaned a little on him.

“I’m sorry for doubting you. Everything seems to change too fast. You keep on getting me flustered. It doesn’t feel wrong at all, except that we’re in a simulator and that everyone from the Ptomelaios might be watching us at this very moment.” She whispered, forcing herself to remain calm on the outside.

Setsuna had slightly tensed as she’d gotten closer. He wasn’t sure how he should react to her gesture. It was Feldt after all. But he slowly relaxed.

“It’s okay. They’ll make it up to us, somehow.” He said playfully and she laughed at that.

 _Oh, she was so ready to see what he could have in mind_. Setsuna was pretty tolerant, or well, at least, he pretended to be oblivious to other but it had nothing to do with it. It was hard for him to assume being close to anyone. And it was even harder for Feldt to believe that he could ever ask anyone to repay him.

On the other side of the screen, Sumeragi felt slightly bad. The poor kids could actually have fun in there, if it weren’t for the thought of being constantly watched. Mileina was ecstatic from the development between the two teens, though she had blushed, seeing the way Setsuna stared at Feldt. It was clear to everyone the young pilot was seriously falling for their comrade operator. Had it been hidden to all of them for all this time, or had it always been growing up, somehow, without anyone, not even Setsuna knowing about it?

Tieria was tired and had been working over his computers all night, to check if everything was going right and if he could crack any code from this blasted simulator. He had the terrible impression this thing was messing around, like some kind of twisted Veda. He knew Veda wasn’t as good as he had thought it to be, but he still needed some sort of foothold in this world.

Alleluiah and Mary were off on a mission for celestial being, making sure to stop a small terrorist attack on a mining space’s base. Lasse was following their progress and Lockon was ready to give them reinforcement if needed. Sumeragi had her comlink ready, to be warned if anything was going wrong. There were fewer and fewer missions over time for them, but they were still taking their job pretty seriously.

“Maybe we shouldn’t follow their whole life at every passing minute. They seem to like being together like this.” Sumeragi observed.

“It’s so romantic to see them getting closer and closer with each passing hour,” Mileina squealed.

Tieria sighed, without being really careful about being discreet. Both girls looked up to him. He seemed slightly discouraged.

“Are you annoyed by our talk, Tieria?” Mileina asked.

“Or maybe you wish you had the same chance as Setsuna ? ” Koujo teased him.

Much to his own surprise, the young innovade felt his cheeks burning and he quickly got back to his work, turning his back on them as he muttered unintelligible stuff about girl’s gibberish. They exchanged brief smiles, understanding that there was much more there than meet the eyes.

... A few hours later...

Tieria was fast asleep on his desk, half turned to the side. He was so tired that he had worked himself to sleep, a file still open over the constant watch they’d been under from this unknown invader. A few notes were scribbled on a piece of paper under his hand. His glasses were still on, the branches digging in his pale skin on the side of his face. Mileina walked into the room and thought at first that he had gotten hurt, so she rushed to his side, only to discover that he had overworked himself.

“Oh, Tieria, when will you stop asking yourself the impossible...” she sighed.

He stirred slightly in his slumber and she froze solid, worried that he could wake up. Why was she worried? Maybe because having him waking up meant that he’d lost more sleep; a sleep which he certainly deserved, since he had been working non-stop on finding a solution to their simulator’s problems for days. He had come back in the middle of a crisis, while he was barely adjusted to his new body.

 _He needs more time and we just ask him for more answers... He said that he was forgetting stuff...,_ she thought to herself, as she gently removed his glasses, so that he wouldn’t hurt himself as he slept. He almost immediately stirred in his sleep and she tried to soothe him by stroking his hair. His eyes fluttered open and he sighed as he realized that he had lost consciousness for a while.

“Mileina? Was I out for long?” he asked, as he straightened himself on his chair.

Mileina backed away from him to give him some space, looking really concerned.

“I just walked in, so I don’t know how long it’s been, but if you need more sleep, you should catch up on it and leave the work to someone else. You’re too hard on yourself.”

“Where are my glasses?” he asked, ignoring her worries.

She got up, putting the glasses on her head, to prevent him from getting them.

“Don’t ignore me, Tieria! You don’t need your glasses, you need to calm down. Setsuna and Feldt are still alright and the whole team should work on this case of infiltration, not only you! You’re pushing yourself.”

He knew that she was right, but accepting it wouldn’t get him anywhere.

“I don’t need you to play my nurse. I’m perfectly al...”

A sudden cough interrupted him right in the middle of his sentence and he had to look down, feeling a sense of panic washing over him. Everything felt so wrong. He slightly calmed down as she stroked his shoulders, trying to ease his pain.

“Did you catch a cold, Tieria?”

“I don’t think so... It’s as if...”

He shuddered, angry at himself for imposing such a situation on this young girl. She said she loved him, or well, he believed she meant so in her voice-mail confession. Even if he acted as though he hadn’t heard it, he couldn’t forget and it was eating him up from inside. He had somewhere new to belong. Somewhere else than Veda. It almost didn’t make any sense. But he wanted to have a chance as a human being. Was he malfunctioning to think that? Was he a true conscience? Did he have a soul? Was it really the matter?

“As if what?”

He held to her waist, bringing her closer, so he could hide his face against her stomach. He was still coughing, but it wasn’t as rough as it had been at first. She wrapped her arms around his frame, surprised by his reaction.

“Tieria?”

“I’m scared, Mileina. I feel as if I’m falling to pieces... but it’s not the time to let you down. For once, you need me, and I can’t get anything done correctly.”

“We don’t ask you to be super human.”

He choked on the words he wanted to retort. He wasn’t human. He wasn’t, though he sure felt weak and vulnerable as he was looking for his breath.

“Tieria...”

“Don’t pity me. I must have made a mistake when I was building this body and this... all these malfunctions are my retribution for being careless.”

She tried to lower herself, so that she could face him, but he held tighter to her.

“I don’t want you to see my face right now.” He whispered. “You’d look too cute and I’m already too open.”

“What? What do you mean?”

“I talk too much and I don’t know why. It feels as if my inhibitions were gone... I don’t want to do anything inconsiderate.”

“I don’t get it, Tieria. I’m just trying to comfort you...”

She was almost afraid by his words, so she gently forced him to let go of her, which he did. He was looking awfully pale and small.

“I’ve heard your mails, Mileina.” He admitted under his breath.

She looked taken aback and stood there, speechless as he went on, his voice growing steadier:

“I don’t know how to act with you. You’ve been kind to me and I’m grateful... Usually, I’m always in control, and recently, you’ve seen me losing my bearings.”

“I don’t mind it. If you need my help...” she tried to reassure him.

“Mileina, I’m still learning and I don’t know what’s wrong with me, but I... I want more than I should ask for...”

She shook her head, not understanding what he could be meaning.

“I feel like this body could give up on me at any time, and I don’t want it... I need more time with everyone, with you, Mileina. So that I can understand all these things I’m feeling beneath the pain.”

She frowned and he realized he had said too much. And it still wasn’t enough.

“I’m feeling pretty irrational right now. I might be running a fever.” He observed cautiously, as if he wanted to warn her. “But ever since I learned that you liked me, I’ve been thinking and...”

She blushed, finally realizing what he meant when he’d said he’d heard her mails.

“You really... really did listen to those messages then? When? Were you hiding it from me all this time?”

 He sighed, holding the bridge of his nose with two fingers, shutting his eyes tightly, as if he wanted to get rid of a terrible headache.

“I feel things too, you know...” he whispered. “I try not to, but it seems I was made too close to humans.”

“Don’t talk like that, Tieria.”

He seemed to consider himself as something not human, when she had always perceived him as a real man. Alright, he had a computerized conscience, and so what? He stood up, walking towards her, looking pale, but determinate.

“I love you. Your naivety, curiosity and even your sharpness... But...”

“But what?! Isn’t that enough?” she yelled back, throwing herself into his arms. He realized that she was tearing up and felt guilty for it.

“Mileina...”

“Shut up, you idiot! If you mean it, I don’t need anything else. Just you holding me is enough...”

 _When had she become such a grownup?_  he wondered. But he clumsily held her back, welcoming her embrace. Veda had never been so complicated; he could link with it, when he had no clue about how to treat Mileina. He wasn’t human, his body had been fabricated and for all those reasons, he kept on thinking that he wasn’t worthy. Nor a human nor a complete innovator, just something in between... But she didn’t care about stuff like that.

All she wanted were feelings that even he could have. And even if he didn’t understand, he felt better with her in his arms.

“Calm down Tieria... I know this is all new, but it’s new for me too. And it’s okay to be unsure and to lose your bearing. I’m never in control when you’re around...” she admitted.

He wished he could have seen her face, but he understood how shy she was right now. Her voice was trembling and her head was buried against his chest. She felt so small right next to him. They were almost the same height. They were... For Veda’s sake, were they becoming a couple without him even knowing? It seemed too fast, and overwhelming. He had no idea what he was supposed to do. So he just held her in his arms.

“Mileina...”

She was gripping to his coat and her possessiveness felt good too. To be wanted, not because you were made in a certain purpose, but because you were cared for. He was still barely getting accustomed to the feeling.

There was a cracking sound at this point and Tieria remembered.

“Was that my glasses?!”

“I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to...!”

As they got away from each other, there was a small laugh in the background and Tieria looked around, to spot Lockon, who had stepped on something as he was sneaking on them.

“Sorry for interrupting, kids.”

Tieria saw red as he realized the guy could have been onto them from the very beginning without him even realizing his presence.

“Lockon Stratus!”

“I gotta give the good news to everyone.” He said, running away.

Mileina flushed and her “almost” boyfriend cursed.

“Is it really wrong that the others know, they’re bound to learn about it sooner or later, right?”

“Maybe, but whatever he says, your father’s gonna kill me.”

She looked all fired up at that and raised her fists as she retorted:

“I won’t let him. I’ll protect you!”

And she looked so cute, he felt like melting right on the spot. But his logical mind was still in function. Her, protecting him?

“How?!”

“Are you doubting me? I’ll give you courage!”

She raised herself on the tip of her toes, grabbing his collar and forcing him into a butterfly kiss. The mere touch of her lips against his was enough to electrify his nerves. He felt his face heating up as she moved back, letting go of him. He had never felt more confused in his life. But there was happiness over it all and it was stronger than anything he’d ever felt before.

“You... That... What did you...”

“You have to stay alive. I can’t really kiss a computer screen,” she teased him.

He smiled, noticing her uneasiness after her boldness.

“Affirmative. Let’s take this slowly, alright? I feel ... light headed.”

She nodded, blushing an awful lot and he gently asked for his glasses, hoping they would help him in gaining back some countenance. Just as he put them back on his nose, the door to the control room burst open, with Alleluiah and Koujo and even Lasse.

“Tieria! Did you really pull a move on Milein...!” Lasse started.

Alleluiah seemed both amused and ready to punch him if Mileina had been hurt.

“I... merely clarified our relationship. Is it so wrong for us to be alone for more then ten minutes? I’m not Lockon or Alleluiah...”

“What does that mean?!!”

...

Setsuna and Feldt headed back home, grateful to leave school. He was a little on edge at the idea of finding himself alone with the young girl, but he agreed to hold her hand. Happiness was stronger than his shyness and awkwardness. Her fingers were warm and he adapted his pace to her own speed. She wasn’t walking fast, but not slowly either. It was a moderate walk. She didn’t talk much, just squeezing his hand every now and then, to make sure he was with her. The first time she did, he looked around, as if something could be threatening them. She laughed at his reaction and he realized that his heart was even more alert than his senses.

“Stay with me, Setsuna.” She asked.

“Okay, Feldt.”

He really liked the sound of her name. He almost felt like saying it over and over till she’d get bored of it, but he refrained himself. There was no reason to be so out of character. They had gotten closer since the outburst in the morning at school and his mention of her being his girl, but it wasn’t like they were a couple or anything, right? Well, they were walking side by side and holding hands. The contact wasn’t as unwelcome as he’d thought it to be. Feldt smelled good. Heck, this was a simulation, and she still smelled good! He realized he could turn pretty possessive of her. After all, she was one of the cutest girls around the school. And his favorite on the Ptolemaois... His ears turned a bright shade of red.

“Say, Setsuna... How long do you think it’s gonna last?”

He blinked, turning his face toward her.

“What?”

She made a slight nod, pointing the space between them, squeezing his hand. She was referring to them. And suddenly, just being with her was erased by the reality of everything else.

“What is this? Am I fooling myself? Are we faking it? Are we doing as this simulator wants us to?”

“This thing is a machine, so it can’t have a will of its own. There’s someone behind all of this and I’m going to find who it is and make sure that they’ll pay for invading... everyone’s privacy.”

“But what about us?” She insisted.

She wanted things to be clear. His throat went dry and he blinked.

“I don’t hold just any girl’s hand.”

“I know. But what does that make me?”

“Feldt, this is being broadcasted to the whole...”

“And I’m going to stay traumatized by it for the rest of my life, or at least, half of it, so I’d better make sure what’s going on.”

She halted in the middle of the sidewalk and he froze next to her, tensing a little.

“I’m no good with words,” he sighed. “I’m no good with socializing...”

“But you don’t mind having me around...”

“It’s stronger than that... But it’s... I’m... Darn it!” he cursed. “You make me so confused...”

She frowned before to look down.

“I’m sorry... I guess I’m being too pushy. I’ve been pulling on your limits since the very first day...”

“No!” he almost yelled which made her jump and birthed a new sense of guilt within for reacting so strongly. “I mean... No, it’s just... I know I may be too blunt or that this whole situation makes it... Drat, forget it. Just keep in mind that I really, really don’t mind having you around. If possible, I’d want...”

He closed his eyes, trying to hold back the words he was about to say before to gulp them down. He wasn’t going to fall in this trap. He was so worried it would hurt her more if they tried anything that he couldn’t keep up till the very end.

“You’re holding something back, Setsuna.”

He grabbed on her wrists, breathing in deeply and breathing out.

“I’m holding everything back! Messing up means losing the only family I have.”

And it meant so much more. It was the closest she could get to a confession. The greatest confidence he’d ever told her. She was part of his family. When she had always thought that he didn’t care or that he wasn’t really noticing that it was her talking when she relayed orders to him... He looked so scared as he tried to appear strong and collected, Feldt couldn’t keep it all inside. She hugged him, right there, in the middle of the day. Setsuna shuddered as he realized his honesty had backfired. It felt comforting, but he was suddenly vulnerable. She felt so small, so close.

“So you were just as scared as me.” Was all she could mutter as she held him, her arms wrapped around his back, her face digging in his shirt.

Her breath felt warm. Her scent was everywhere. He shivered. Memories were running through his mind. Memory of a far away time, where touch and caresses meant comfort and love. When he was still pure, with no blood on his hands. His mother had tried to embrace him, even when he had pointed a gun at her. And he remembered. His first family, which he had destroyed himself...

“Feldt...”

His arms were trembling, hesitating. She wasn’t attacking him, he knew it. He didn’t have to defend himself from anything. He scanned the area, but the cars were passing by and no one seemed interested in them. The world was ignoring them for once. And Feldt was holding him; unable to tell him in words how she wanted to comfort him.

“It’s okay, Setsuna. I just... You always feel so lonely, I...”

He hugged her back before that she could move away, almost too tightly for her to breathe.

“I’m not... I’m just not used to being with people...”

She started to laugh at that, but her shaking felt as if she was crying and he held her tighter, closer, his head finding the hollow of her neck. He wanted to hide next to her, to shake away the feeling of needing this embrace. But he’d reached a point where he didn’t care anymore about holding back. She was still shaking and it seemed to him that she was breaking down and all he wanted was to erase the tears.

“Let’s go back home, Feldt. I’ll make some tea, we’ll talk, we’ll talk as much as you want.”

“You mean I’ll talk and you will listen?”

“Whatever you want. Just don’t… don’t cry…”

“I just hugged you and you hugged me back, Setsuna… These are tears of joy”, she tried to reassure him.

But to see her crying was enough to tear his heart apart and the words came out before that he could hold them back.

“Please Feldt, don’t cry over me. I’m not worth it. I’m not worth anything.”

“Setsuna!”

“I mean it!”

She shook her head, still holding on his hands that were tightly wrapped around her wrists. She wanted to hug him again, but she couldn’t let go of his stare. He was slightly shaking. And she could tell that he was holding back, holding almost everything back. Because he was scared of losing her. She remembered reading something about what happened to his parents long ago. He was a child soldier. Deprived from his original innocence, but still innocent in so many ways.

“The past is all in the past, Setsuna. I won’t ever fear you. You’re not losing me here or anything soon.”

He was still shaking as he looked away, but he didn’t let go of her hand. He pulled her as he moved forward.

“Let’s get back home. I need walls around me.” He whispered. “Around us.”

Was it the first time he referred to them as something else than two separate individuals? Feldt followed him. She felt how tensed he was. She was slightly scared. His hand was soft around her fingers. She barely remembered the rest of the walk home, she didn’t remember them climbing the stairs. As they entered the apartment, Setsuna seemed even more tensed and she was surprised to feel his hand tightening over hers.

“Stay close to me.” He asked.

It wasn’t a command, but she obeyed still, bemused by his behavior. He was looking around, trying to spot spies or cameras. He knew it wouldn’t change anything. He forced her to stay between him and the door, which he carefully locked. Then his red eyes went up to meet her cerulean gaze and she saw a new sparkle in them, which surprised her.

“Setsuna, I...”

“Don’t say my name like that...” he asked, cornering her to the door, until her back hit the wood.

“What are you...”

“I need more, but I don’t want the others to see me like this. I’m scared Feldt.”

“Scared of what?”

“I missed this. It’s been years and I had no ideas but I missed it...”

She was about to ask him what, but he leaned on her, wrapping his arms around her frame, pinning her to the door with his body, his breath falling on her neck, his nose in her hair and she understood. Human contact. Setsuna had been avoiding it like the plague. So had she, until Christine and Mileina warmed her up to socializing. He was so close to her now, his body perfectly fitting with hers, as if he wanted to melt into her. She was too shocked to hold him back at first.

“You’re warm and soft and you smell so freaking good. And this is just a simulation so I have no idea if it’s close to the real Feldt... But if you were real, I would be an Innovator and...”

“Slow down, Setsuna, please... It’s okay, there’s no reason to be scared.”

“I feel frantic.”

“You’re pretty passionate in anything you do, aren’t you?” she said.

“You’re too observant. Too perceptive...”

He snuggled against her; his shoulders shuddering slightly as she gently brushed his back with her hands.

“Too close, maybe... It’s hard to breathe.”

He slightly eased his embrace on her, not ready to let her go anywhere.

“You see, that’s why I can’t do this.”

“Setsuna... Don’t give up before the start.”

She stroked his hair and he shivered, wondering if he could do it too. Touching her. He breathed her in, deeply, stroking his face against her neck. He felt like some wild animal, hesitating before being tamed. Her hands were soft. And her skin. He wanted to try and kiss her, but his heart was already running so fast just from holding her and feeling her breath on his shoulder. He moved backwards, biting his lower lip and looking at her with apologizing eyes.

“This is so wrong, Feldt... I didn’t court you or anything.”

“What?”

“I should ask the right to miss Sumeragi at least. In my country, we...”

She laughed at that, blushing a bit. His heart missed a beat.

“Why don’t you ask _me_ permission first?”

“Okay...”

She crossed her arms over her chest, looking at him expectantly. He blinked, feeling his resolution faltering. He just wanted to hide in her arms again.

“It sounds stupid, doesn’t it?”

She shook her head, giving him a reassuring smile and he blushed even more.

“You’re in for a lot more than courting if you give me permission, you know...”

“I’m possessive and jealous,” she warned him.

He raised one eyebrow, dubious.

“Most people say I’m crazy. If you can forget that I’m also a murderer.”

“A gundam meister, Setsuna. It’s different.”

“I’m complicated. And I’m totally not worth the effort.“

“I like my work well down and I put lots of effort into it.”

He smiled, relaxing a lot more. The more they talked, the more they understood each other. They were forgetting about the crew possibly watching them or the simulator.

“Is it a yes then?” he asked, regaining his self-confidence.

She nodded, unable to talk. Her heart was a bundle of nerves all tied together and it was hard to breathe. He tried to act tough, but he was taking this seriously. And as he backed her against the door for a second time, she felt how much he needed this to last. One of his hands gently moved her loosen locks away from her face as he cupped her chin with his free hand. His lips brushed against both her eyelids, awkwardly, then her nose, barely touching her own lips before that he pulled her in a tight embrace. She felt limp in his arms and realized he had to lean on her to keep standing. He was still so scared. It was as if she had turned into one of his missions.

“I’ll do my best.” He whispered. “To be worthy of your trust.”

And it was so sweet coming from him; she hid her face in his shirt, wondering what she had accepted just now.

“And so will I. I won’t give up on you.”

Setsuna leaned his face against the wooden door, trying to calm his beating heart. Feldt was his whole world now. His new-found peace. His gundam. His girl.

To be continued...


	5. Love is a battlefield

Simulator love – Chapter 5 –  Love is a battlefield

“For god’s sake, those kids are so intense!!”

Sumeragi was still shocked by the last development in Setsuna’s and Feldt’s relationship. Mileina was red in the face, Lockon had a smile on and Lasse chuckled in the back of the room, his arms crossed over his broad chest. Alleluia had been the first to suggest that the connection be turn off before that they get too close. He saw this as an invasion of privacy. In the end, Mary had left the room, deciding that she wouldn’t be spying on her comrades and her boyfriend had followed her out. The rest of the crew had stayed. Tieria wasn’t really interested in the development, even if he was happy to see his crewmates happy. He wanted to verify a theory.

If the simulator goal really was to get Setsuna and Feldt together, it should free them. But their body were still artificially nurtured and they were still tied in their respective chair. It felt sick. But it was hard to concentrate with Mileina squealing in the background. He wanted to hide somewhere with her, just to accept the jump their own relationship had taken. He felt just as possessive and frantic as his fellow gundam meister and had no right to express it. He was Tieria Arde for Veda’s sake! He couldn’t go lovey-dovey all of a sudden.

He didn’t even know how to do that!

He sighed as the pictures got blurry on the screen. His eyes were starting to play tricks on him too. He wasn’t sure why he had created this body anymore. But he had to get in control of it before that it turned him down one last time.

...

“Patrick!”

“You really shouldn’t push yourself that much, colonel.”

“Couldn’t you call me by my name instead of always saying colonel, over and over.” She sighed.

Kathy Mannequin was at the end of her rope. She had nausea every morning as she woke and her doctor said that if she still had doubts, she’d better take a decision. Her idiot husband had managed to keep her accepting the idea of having a baby so far, but she still wasn’t convinced that she was ready for it. Her body was protesting in every possible way and she knew, she definitely knew that this thing inside her couldn’t be a human being. It was draining her from her remaining strength.

“Kathy...”

His voice could still have her melt right on the spot and she felt far too out of control right now, as if she was over emotional.

Patrick showed up in the doorstep, biting his lower lip nervously. He was covered in dust from all the cleaning he’d been doing, as she’d asked him to. She had decided that they should move on and was trying to dismount some of their furnitures in preparation. If they were becoming a family, they needed a house. And their small apartment made her feel insecure. She could afford a house. So did Colasour.

“I’ve told you already to let me take care of this stuff.”

“It was my idea. I’m taking responsibility.”

“I don’t want you to get hurt. You’re more vulnerable right now, in your early stages,” he reminded her, looking genuinely worried.

And she was half softened, half angered by his way of caring. She wasn’t made out of porcelain. Alright, she was always tired. And she was always jumping at the smallest sound. But it didn’t change the fact that she was his superior and his wife and his equal. Or was she getting all mixed up in her thoughts?

“Patrick, I was calling you to get some help, not a lecture.”

“Sure, babe.”

It was rare of him to call her that, but it felt reassuring. He seemed always so content to be around her. She sighed, letting him in the small room. He gently ushered back to their bed and got on his knees, working on the other furnitures of the room.

“Make sure you don’t break anything. I really like this night table.”

“Aye, aye.”

“It’s not an order, Patrick...”

He gave her a wink and she understood that he was just playing around, as he mostly did all the time. They kept silent for a moment, as she lied back on the bed, trying to relax while he was disassembling the table. She wanted to watch him work, as she’d watched him training and goofing around with patient amusement. She might look annoyed, but his innocence was getting to her. All the time. She listened to his whistle as he worked. Felt like humming with him. Brushed the imaginary bump on her stomach.

“Are you still worried about having a baby?” he asked, his voice suddenly too serious to belong to him.

She turned her head in his direction, rolling on her side. It definitely was his voice and it felt as surprising as the first time.

“I...”

“It’s okay with me either way, Katie. If you don’t want this child, his life will be miserable, no matter how hard I work for it to be fun.”

She felt bad, but he wasn’t blaming her for anything. He never blamed her and barely ever complained about anything either.

“Patrick, you have to understand... I’m not sure that this world’s fit for kids. I’m not sure I’ve done enough. We worked so hard, but real peace... It might only be a dream and I’m worried that I’ll never be there for this baby.”

He chuckled at that, laying the table’s parts on the floor and storing them in a box, turning his back on her as he replied:

“I was lucky my whole life. My parents weren’t home most of the time, so I could do whatever I wanted. When they would be home, they barely agreed to anything I’d say, but I could always tell how proud they were. I’ve never tainted their name with disgrace. Or well, they never thought so...”

Katie was taken off guard as he eyed her from over his shoulder. Patrick never confided himself to her. It seemed improper to him, or maybe he thought that would just annoy her. He was always making his best to entertain her, so that she could smile and relax. And that was what she needed the most. But then again, she started to wonder, when was it that she entertained him? He just liked the way she was. Maybe her seriousness was enough to keep him in the same gravity system as the rest of the world.

“You never told me about your parents. I’ve never met them.” She observed.

“Would you like to?” His shoulders lowered slightly and he got up, running a hand through his red hair. “They were kinda... boring. Supportive in their words, but always gone on a trip or something. They died one or two years after I entered the army.”

“Oh...” was all she could mutter back.

“They were doing some rafting, I think. They enjoyed life to its fullest, at all time. That’s what they left me.”

He laughed again, but the laugh seemed faked for once and Katie’s heart crumbled in her chest. He could be such a child, it made her feel like a mother already.

“Patri...”

“Don’t pity me, babe. I’m alright, really. I got you now.”

He smiled, a real, frail smile and she felt lighter in her tired skin. He was the sweetest man she’d ever met. He pulled on his drawer, emptying it from its content in a few minutes, throwing the little bunch of clothes he possessed except his uniforms into a small case. He was starting to disassemble the drawer now and she realized that he could do all the moving by himself in a matter of days if she let him do so.

“You don’t have to do this right now, dear.”

Her voice was softer than usual and he looked up, a look of sheer surprise and expectancy on his face.

“If you won’t let me work, you shouldn’t work either. Not while I’m lying here alone...”

His smile grew stronger and he joined her happily, with the cheerfulness of a kid. She didn’t have to say a word to have his arms wrapped around her.

“Were you feeling lonely, Katie?”

She shook her head, not wanting to let him infantilize her. She was no little girl. But when he caressed her neck, following the curve of her face, breathing her in, she felt so wanted that she couldn’t hold everything in anymore.

“Why do you love me, Patrick? I don’t owe this... I’m cold and...”

“Whoa, whoa, colonel, where do you think you’re going like this?”

“You say I’d be a good mother, you clearly don’t want us to turn into our parents, except for the pride thing,  but...”

“But what? I love you, Katie. You’re cool, collected, gentle, and gorgeous. You smell great, you’re rough on people because you want to get the best out of them and you always give your best, even when you’re too tired for it. And the best of all, your heart is mine!”

He sounded cocky as he said it, but she liked that side of him too. He was growing more mature with every passing day. Maybe his adolescent ways would disappear one day.

“We’re having a baby, Patrick. And I’m scared...”

He held her closer, kissing her shoulder through her clothing. His breath felt warm. His arms were securing her from the outside world.

“I’ll be there the whole time.”

“I don’t want you to neglect your training or your work.”

“Sure.”

“I don’t want you to act as if I’m giving your orders all the time.”

“Come on, Katie. You’re my general. I can’t get tired of it.”

“If I had been someone else, would you still love me?”

“As long as you’d hit me in the face, I’m sure I would have fallen for you.”

He seemed to be joking and she laughed, remembering how they’d started. He had annoyed her from the very first day. And still, all his hard work had turned him into her husband. She who thought that she’d be forever alone.

“I’m glad you persisted and chased after me. I really am, Patrick.”

“Then what’s wrong?”

“I don’t know. I don’t feel... You’re making me soft.”

“You were already soft. You’re just softer with me.”

He kissed her on the lips, gently, but she held him back, forcing him into a more passionate embrace. Her nails dug in his arms, as if to make him realize she wasn’t that gentle, but he had her on her back, kissing her as if he hadn’t seen her in ages. It had taken time for them to incline in closer intimacy. She wasn’t sure of herself, of them and he wanted to show how much he respected her. But she could feel how loving and caring he was from the way he handled her right now.

She whined in his mouth, far too early for her own liking, but at this point, she didn’t care. He pulled away suddenly, out of breath, a familiar flame burning up in his eyes.

“Tell me what’s wrong with having a baby. What I have to do, and I’ll do it.”

“I won’t control anything anymore.”

He raised one eyebrow, a cheeky smile on his face.

“You’re in control far too many times. It’ll be good for you to loosen up a little, my love.”

She blushed. He’d rarely tell her what he thought of her way of doing things. He’d rarely call her that. She felt so sensitive right now. She slipped her hands beneath his shirt, to caress his muscular chest, his sides, and his lean back. He shivered, but held back his urge to resume kissing her.

“Are we agreed now? Tell me if something else’s the matter, Katie. Do you want this baby or not?”

She gazed at his eyes, straightening her thoughts.

“I want more time with you.”

His cheeks reddened, but his smile grew. He would have looked stupid for anyone else. But her heart wanted to claim this smile. This endearing face.

“My whole life’s yours, Kate. I’m lucky enough to stay for a long long time, till you grow tired of me.”

“No.”

“Let’s try, then, okay? Let’s see if I ever ran out of luck.”

The way he said it, she felt scared. So she grabbed his collar and forced him down, till their lips could lock together. She was having him for the rest of her life. The baby would be a bonus. One more reason to fight. She couldn’t see any other view she could take to gaze at that child growing in her womb.

...

“Setsuna!”

“Wait, Feldt, just wait... a little more...”

Lockon gasped, unable to believe what he was hearing. And then the light turned on in the apartment where both teens were living together, in the simulator, and he saw that the young girl was in the kitchen, trying to keep the meal she was cooking from flooding from the casseroles. There was rice, and boiled eggs and chicken, which meant three casseroles. Setsuna walked into the room, holding many bags of ingredients. There was a cake in the oven, because she wanted to celebrate the occasion somehow. At first, she thought that she was overdoing it, but he didn’t mind getting some groceries done if it meant eating more of her cooking. Even if this was a simulator, it tasted great. And he’d rarely got the chance to taste anything like this before. He used to get the Ptolemaios culinary robot’s meals.

“Here.” He sighed, undoing the bags and grabbing the few spices she had asked him to find.

She was trying to design a plate that would remind him home, or at least, make him feel at home without bringing him to tears. He helped her in the kitchen, as well as he knew and they had fun, enjoying each other’s presence in a comfortable silence. They ate quietly too. They never talked really much in the past and it wasn’t going to change if they didn’t feel the need to express anything.

As the day went by, they sat together on the couch, holding hands and feeling content to have come to an understanding for the state of their relationship. Setsuna was still frantic, but he wouldn’t show it, not after the whole emotional burst out he’d had. It was enough. Or well, it would have to be enough.

They wanted to think that nothing else would come to perturb their day. But things were way too quiet for the simulator’s liking. As Feldt was getting bolder and starting to play with Setsuna’s curly locks, the television turned itself on. The young man sighed, wondering what could be shown to them this time. He looked down, trying to remember where the controller had been left the last time and how to silence this dreadful machine for good. He meant to ignore whatever could pop in the tv. But then, he heard Feltd’s voice coming from it and he had to look up, while the real Feldt turned white as a sheet next to him.

“Lockon?! How can... Is that really you?!” the younger Feldt asked Neil as he got out of his gundam.

He barely heard what was said next. He felt Feldt’s hand tightening on his arm as the scene unfolded, with this clone of Lockon stealing a kiss from the young girl and earning himself a slap in the face. Setsuna saw red. There was no way, no way he’d let anything like that happen if he had been around at that time, was it? Feldt was his to protect, his to touch and his to kiss. She was his girl and... For the love of his gundam, this was so wrong for him to feel this possessive!

She shivered next to him, as if she could feel his anger growing.

“Don’t be mad, Setsuna. I know this is...”

He looked at her, frowning, teeth gritted, eyes sharp.

“This really happened, right?”

“Yes, but...!”

She was so ashamed, for no good reason at all.

“I’m gonna kill him!”

“It’s so long ago, Setsuna. Lockon wasn’t serious, he’s changed, he’d never...”

“I don’t care!”

Other pictures ran in the television screen, showing Setsuna entering Marina Ismail’s room in the middle of the night and it was Feldt’s turn to feel anger. And the time he woke up, all wrapped up in bandages, with Marina looking over his sleep. There was no sound, but the pictures talked for themselves. Setsuna blinked, confused by what was going on. What was the simulator after?

“Did that really...”

“Of course not! I mean, yes, I did go to her room that time, but I just asked her a question, it wasn’t...”

Why was he looking for excuses? Why was he acting as if he was guilty of anything...? This was all in the past. Feldt had let go of his arm, coiling on herself on her side of the couch and he got up, angrily walking up to the television. He disconnected it from the wall without even shutting it down, before to throw it against the wall, so that it would be broken beyond repair.

“If you have questions for me, you should ask them yourself, not let this simulator pour them into your head,” he told her.

She nodded, her legs folded in front of her, with her arms wrapped around her lower tights, holding her skirt up despite her pause. Her eyes were filled with the pain of having to see Lockon stealing her first kiss from her once again and the sense of betrayal the simulator had thrown in her face.

“Were you and Marina ever...”

“We weren’t involved in a relationship.” He said, detaching every word of his sentence, standing tall but not looking at her.

“I’m sorry, Setsuna. I don’t mean to distrust you. I just... I thought I knew most of the things you’ve been trough during the last few years, but I realize that we were further apart than I think. Back then, I had trouble expressing my feelings and I was cutting off everyone coming close. You were pretty much the same, so it was reassuring. I could just stand by and stay quiet, as you stood on your side. But it’s true that... This Marina appeared close to you. And for you to sneak into her room... I mean, it’s so unlike you!”

“She’s from a similar country as mine, she was a leader, I thought she could tell me... Why wars were still happening. I was having doubts at that time, so I didn’t know... Could I trust Sumeragi and the rest of the group? When I was wounded, Marina happened to be there. It’s a mere coincidence. She may have had a thing for me, but I...”

He paused, realizing that he’d crossed a line. He just acknowledged that Marina could have liked him. And by ignoring it all this time, he might have hurt her. Though he knew they could never work. Feldt was more reachable, more understanding. Marina had hurt him with her questions. Feldt never asked him to stop fighting, nor did she ever ask him to fight. She just cheered him along the way, being a reliable operator throughout his missions. His eyes went back to Feldt, who had hidden her face against her knees.

“I think that I know you, and then...”

“What about Lockon?”

It was the wrong way to answer her of course. She started to cry and he felt like the bad guy, while all he’d done was saying the truth.

“Feldt, what’s wrong with me visiting Marina to ask her a question?”

“You sneaked into her room in the middle of the night. It’s called romantic on planet Earth, you know?” she tried to say with a laugh through her tears.

“Bullshit. It’s called being a freak. I didn’t touch her, I barely listened to her, because she was never able to understand how I felt.”

“Ok then. What’s wrong with me liking the old Lockon, I mean, Neil, like a big brother? Who wouldn’t react as he sees someone alive that’s supposed to be dead? Layle was a player and he played with my feelings. I don’t say that I’m proud it happened, but I was... vulnerable at that time. And though it hurt at the moment...”

“It still hurts you now, doesn’t it?”

“Because I see that you’re ready to attack him without a second thought just for one mistake! He didn’t know me.”

“It doesn’t excuse anything.”

“I don’t want to see you thinking about revenge, Setsuna. It’s not... not you.”

He sighed, realizing that he had been looking too far ahead. He had to comfort her now.

“What’s the real me, then? I killed people, Feldt. I want to eradicate war, but... Fighting in the name of peace doesn’t mean it’s not fighting.”

She nodded, drying her tears and looking up at him. She looked so cute with her pigtails...

“I’m sorry if I doubted you so easily. I’m sorry if I’m pushing qualities you don’t want on you...”

He walked up to her, clumsily raising her from the couch so that he could hold her in his arms.

“We have to be careful. We’re still in the simulator. We’re still being messed around with...”

She nodded against his chest, hugging him close.

“I think I’m better now,” she said, after a few seconds of staying like this.

“I’m not,” he whispered back. “I want to erase all your past, everything that could have hurt you in it. I want to catch back on everything I’ve missed...”

“It’s okay, Setsuna. I’m here, now.”

He shook his head, gently pushing her backwards to be able to look at her in the face.

“You smell like spices, like home. And that bastard kissed you first.”

She blushed.

“Does it really matter? I don’t remember it that much, you know.”

“I want it erased. Like a blank.”

“You’re jealous, Setsuna.” She laughed.

“I’m serious,” he observed, surprised to hear her laughing.

“Then erase it...” She said, teasing him.

She had no idea she could dare to tease him. But as he pushed her back on the couch, she realized that she liked this feeling. She could get to him with a single stare. He was more reachable then she thought. Which meant that he was that close to her already... And she understood that there could never be anyone else but her in his heart. He kissed her, right on the lips, softly and greedily at the same time. He could pull that off. He was kneeling in front of her, as she sat, breathless, caught off guard despite her bravado. His hands were keeping her close, bringing her closer, running along her arms and shoulders. She felt his fingers on her tights and realized how he’d wanted this. It felt too much at the same time. She tried to catch his wrists, to have him slowing down and he stopped touching her, nipping at her lower lip, asking for access. She let him in, discovering this new kiss and this demanding Setsuna. He was building a fire in her chest. She could tell how nervous he was as he tried things, caressing her jaw, her neck, her hair while never letting go of her lips.

It felt too intense. And in the Ptolemaios, the crew was starting to feel like voyeurs...

“Maybe we should send someone to remind them that if we can watch this live, someone else might be watching except from us,” Sumeragi thought, clearing her throat as she heard Lasse and Lockon whispering to each other.

Mileina was talking about turning off the screen and was covering her eyes, blushing an awful lot. Tieria was somewhere else at the moment, working on stuff and making sure no one was approaching the ship.

Back in the simulator, Setsuna was trying to get himself to let go of Feldt. He had already gone overboard, and wondered if there was no way for him to turn back. Or well, to simply stop. Then, his brain kicked back in function and he understood they had to part, even if only for a small catch of breath. He pulled away, feeling her fingers on his collar and her eyes locked with his. Her cheeks were flushed and her lips all red and swollen. He blinked, shocked by the emotions and desires running inside him.

“Wow...”

“Sorry. That was uncalled for. I mean... I’m jumping over every step. I still haven’t asked Kujo.”

He was out of breath and excuses.

“You’ve been holding everything back, right? That’s what you said earlier.”

He gave her half a smile.

“Still, this is too fast. We’re still in the simulator, Feldt.”

She blushed even more and her cuteness almost won over his reason.

“You mean, the others could see us?”

“We sure did,” Tieria observed, his voice so close that both teenagers jumped.

They turned around to see his small replica standing on the couch’s armrest. Setsuna’s face twisted with anger before to fall back to his usual self.

“I got carried away.”

“We all know it,” Tieria said, crossing his arms in front of his chest. “Anyway, I wasn’t here to interrupt, thought I suggest you refrain from... over exposing yourselves. Sumeragi might decide to register the whole thing to have proof when you’ll deny it. But I’ve made an important discovery. The simulator is manipulated by an organization called the Trinities.”

Setsuna was now standing straight and Feldt’s mouth fell open.

“I thought they were dead...”

“I’m not talking about the two brothers and Nina. They happened to have parents who are still very alive. And very deranged for that matter. I interrupted the signal of the simulator for the moment, so they think the thing blacked out when you destroyed the tv, but it should come back in a matter of minutes.”

“Do you know their goal?” Feldt asked, grapping the armrest’s material around Tieria.

He nodded, pushing his glasses higher on his nose.

“Annihilation of our current celestial being. They want to replace us with innovades they created. This simulation is a test run. They learned how to get all the information they wanted from people’s mind. And they’re pushing you to your limits to squeeze all they can from your brains. Over our defenses, our strategies, our codes and of course, your personal lives. They infected Veda while I created this body, which explains a few malfunctions. They may know what I’m thinking right now, so I don’t know if we have any hope left. They’ll attack from the inside. I just don’t know when. We’ll get you out of here. Stay sharp.”

They nodded and Tieria disappeared just like that, leaving them with many questions and lesser answers. There was a glitch in the whole room, as if the simulator was adapting itself to the change in reality. The young meister felt a shiver run in his back.

Feldt gazed at Setsuna from over her shoulder, pouting in a strange manner.

“So they’ve been using us?” she asked herself out loud.

She wasn’t really talking to him and her voice sounded strange, but he guessed she was just shocked by the news.

“It makes no sense...”

“But I’m an operator on the Ptolemaios and you’re our best gundam meister...” she remarked.

“I mean, why now?”

“Why any later?”

He sighed.

“Okay, let’s forget it for now. It’s already a great step that we know. I don’t think they’ll be tricked, but we can at least try to do as if we knew nothing.”

Feldt nodded in agreement and he shifted his weight, turning his head to the side, wondering if he could dare to ask her to take it back from where they were interrupted. Much to his surprise, she opened her arms to him.

“Let’s keep up appearances.” She said, blinking at him cheerfully.

At this point, he wondered if it was still Feldt. Suddenly she seemed too... blunt. He grabbed her hand, meaning to pull her on her feet, but she pulled him down to her level, laughing. Her laugh didn’t feel real. He shivered and blinked, as he saw her lying down beneath him. Her arms wrapped behind his neck. Her skin was still as soft but there was a new light in her eyes. Her green eyes which looked bluer as he blinked again. His heart quivered in his chest.

“Feldt?”

...

Feldt woke up alone, in her simulator chair. She remembered Setsuna’s eyes and hands, but right after Tieria had warned them, she had felt her consciousness being pulled away from the room. There were needles under her skin and she was surrounded by parts of the simulator, that all felt so close that she wondered if she wasn’t about to become claustrophobic. Her head hurt, her lips ached and her heart was beating too fast.

“Setsuna?”

“Feldt, are you up?”

It was Lasse’s voice talking to her and she understood she was back. Back in the real world.

“Where’s Setsuna?”

“We’ll get you out, stay calm.”

“Where is he?!”

She felt that something was wrong, really wrong, and she had to know that it wasn’t or at least, what it truly was.

Then, as she felt Lasse’s hand pulling her out of the chair and Lockon’s arms holding her up, all she could notice was Setsuna’s voice in the background:

“Feldt? Is that really you?”

She looked up to the place where his voice came and saw him on the screen, in another Feldt’s arms. Her heart missed a bit. This must have been a mistake. She was here, she couldn’t still be back there!

“Who’s with him?”

“Calm down, Feldt.” Lockon muttered to her.

“This girl on the screen can’t be me, how can I stay calm?! You’ve been watching us like this all this time?”

“We were worried about you two,” Sumeragi replied.

“Who’s out there with him now?!”

Someone else was touching her Setsuna, someone else was smiling to him and even if he seemed slightly unsure, he still believed that this was her!

“She must be an innovade. I suspected all the Trinities to be innovade. They shared no resemblance.” Tieria observed as he barged in the room. “I wasn’t expecting you to come out so fast, you know...”

He shot her a brief smile, as a welcome back and she felt Mileina hugging her and realized that she hadn’t seen them for the last few days.

“Can’t you send me back? At least, so that I can warn him...”

The young innovade shook his head.

“It would be too dangerous. You’ve been eating through some intravenous system for now and you’re dehydrated, if not worse. You need a complete check-up. And no one is getting in this simulator except from me and projections. I can’t hack the system, they’ve loaded their codes. I should be able to break in tomorrow.”

“But he should be warned now!”

“Don’t get frantic on Tieria, Feldt, he’s been running the whole place while we were in a panic. He can barely stand on his own!” Mileina opposed.

“I’m fine,” the young man protested.

Kujo looked up to the ceiling. Their family life was starting to get pretty interesting. She was going to need a whole new set of beers.

...

“Alleluiah?”

Her voice sounded cold and light in the cockpit and the young gundam meister found himself wishing that she would be sitting right next to him. They were patrolling in their machines, flying around the Ptolemaios, in case anything strange showed up in the perimeter.

"What is it?"

"Do you see all those GN particles?"

"What? Where?"

He looked over every console in his cockpit, but nothing seemed out of the ordinary. But then, he felt a shiver running through his spine, as pain surge in his head. There was this strange pressure again, the same they had felt days ago, when they had gone into space...

"It hurts! Do you feel it too?"

"Yes, it's getting closer. Stay sharp."

"I won't let them get away this time."

"Don't do anything stupid!"

"You should know me better," she laughed.

Her white mobile suit raised itself in the air, getting away from the Ptolemaios. Alleluiah stood behind, wanting to show her that he trusted her, even if they both knew it.

A dark robot appeared in a searing light, as if it was a shooting star. It was exuding so many GN particles, it left clouds of red smoke behind him. The young gundam meister hissed between his teeth at the sight of this enemy. The suit had red eyes and red joints to combine with his onyx black components. The various pieces were edgy, as sharp as knives. It had two arms and two sabre swords were coming out of his hands, the energy burning in a dark ray of light. It was followed by a smaller robot, a combination of round legs and curvy shapes. Its eyes were green and its armour was bulked up in a way that left no question. One of them was made for close combats while the other one was all about defense.

"The pressure is definitely coming from those guys. They look a little like the Trinity's gundam, with all those GN particles, don't you think?"

"You're right. Be careful, Marie."

"Cover me, Al." she retorted, using the nickname she had just recently found for him.

It still made him feel a little funny, but he didn't mind. Instead, he warned the Ptolemaios about the upcoming threat.

"Anyone home? We could be needing reinforcements here."

"Alleluaih? What's going on?" Mileina's voice came out, small and frail.

"We're under attack. Two unknown mobile suits. They seem to be gundams."

"Tieria said that it could be the rest of the Trinity's family showing up. He thinks that they're behind the whole..."

Her voice was suddenly cut short and Alleluiah realized that all of his communication's mean  had been locked by an unknown party. At the same time, the pressure exerted on his head got heavier and he had to hold back a yell of pain.

"This is starting to get annoying..."

He looked angrily at the enemy mobile suits. The black one had engaged Marie, while the rounder model was standing back, analyzing the situation. Alleluiah tried to open a channel toward the unmoving machine, but all he got were parasites. He raised his gun, covering Marie's attack as she had asked him. And then, the round gundam started to move. And the pain in Alleluiah's head became too much to bear. He felt the little control he had over himself and that part of him which was Halleluiah slip right out of his reach.

"This isn't the time!"

"Oh, but it's been such a long time, Alleluiah!" his other self exclaimed.

And it was too late.

To be continued…


End file.
